Ready to run

I want to feel again.

Good Morning! I'm on my way to meet up with a friend and I remembered to upload. I will now upload every Tuesday and Saturday! I hope you're all doing fine! 🍣
____________________________

"Nick, what are you doing?" I asked. I was afraid. I couldn't move because I was tied to the sofa. He had tied me there with the seat belt from the car. He just cut it out. I don't even know how it happened. I was a police officer, I should be able to defend myself but the way he grabbed me and held me, I couldn't get out of that. I guess he knew what he needed to do, because they did it to all these gang people. He ran through the hall and seemed to be thinking. "Nick, let me go." I said. He stopped.

"Alec will come and get you, won't he?" he asked with his arms crossed. I said nothing because I was afraid to say something wrong. "Fuck, Magnus, you ruined everything!" he snapped at me loudly. What happened to him?

He slowly came up to me and stroked my cheek. I didn't recognize Nick anymore. That wasn't the Nick I've been with for the past few months. The one who would never have hurt me. And now I was trembling with fear.

"Are you scared of me?" he asked. I shook my head slowly, even if it was a lie. I hoped he would take his hand away soon because it was so uncomfortable for me. I didn't want to be touched. "You're lying to me, again." he noticed and pulled his hand away.

"Nick, please." I begged him. "Whatever you're planning to do, we'll find a solution," I explained. Was I wrong about Nick? Had we all been so wrong about Nick? Nick laughed.

"We can't find a solution anymore." he said, rubbing his hair nervously. "He'll kill me." he said. Alec? No, he wouldn't. "Or worse, he takes you away from me." he continued. "And he can't, because you are mine." he said. Wow, he was crazy. Completely crazy. He was absolutely out of his mind.

"Nick, what are you talking about?" I asked. „Listen, I like you. It's true I love Alec but doesn't mean I wouldn't give you a chance." I explained. He looked into my eyes and they seemed so... cold and numb. Suddenly he went to the car and started the engine. Gas came from the exhaust. He also locked the wooden door. Shit, no. "What are you doing?" I asked nervously, because I was sure that the gas that came out of the car wasn't good if we didn't get fresh air.

"I have to save us, Magnus!" he said. "Don't you understand that?" he asked. He looked into my eyes again.

"What happened to you?" I asked. He laughed.

"Nothing has happened." he let me know. "I just don't see any point in pretending anymore." he explained. I frowned. "You know, I have stopped feeling since I was little. I almost never felt fear. I was never sad either. I didn't even feel anger." he said. That can't be true. What was he saying?

"No, that's not true." I answered. "I know you, you feel afraid sometimes. You feel, like we all do." I said but he shook his head. What kind of psycho game is he playing here?

"It's been years of practice." he let me know. "You have to know, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be like every other person, that's why I watched people. I tried so hard. I learned how they behave, which is why I know that you are afraid when your life is in danger, but you know what? I'm not scared right now, are you?" he asked. I coughed. The air was bad, really bad.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked. What do I have to do with all of this? I have never done anything and yet I have to pay for it. Why?

"You know, I thought I would never be able to feel until I met you." he explained. "You were here and something moved in me. I felt something. I'm sure it's love, even if I didn't know what it felt like. It wasn't much, but it was there. Because of you." he explained. A tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away. "And I shed that tear just because of you, because I felt anger. I'm not angry at you because I could never, but I'm angry at Alec." he let me know.

„It feels like I don't even know you." I said while coughing. He sighed.

"Because you never did." he answered. "I know that you like me, Magnus but I liked you for who you are. I liked you because I knew you. I saw the real person in you, while you just liked the illusion of a Nick, that doesn't even exist." he explained. "It wasn't that hard to realize. All you had to do was to look." he said.

"You're sick." I said, coughing. I would suffocate if I didn't get fresh air soon. Nick stared at me without expression. A cold shiver ran down my back. This was fucked up.

"Yes, possible." he said. "But you are my cure." he answered. "All I want is to feel." he said. "Damn, I want to feel again." he said. He was a psychopath. A psychopath with a crack in his brain. I continued to cough. Fuck, man.

"You don't have to do that." I said. "Let me go, please." I begged him. He shook his head and went to his bag. He seemed to be looking for something until he took out a gun. Shit what was he up to now?

"Yes, I have to do that." he said, loading the gun in his hand. "I love you, Magnus, even if I can't feel." he said. Why always me? "And if I can't have you, then he can't have you either." he said, also coughing heavily. It felt like the gas was spreading through my lungs. As if it would eat me up. He pointed the gun at me.

"And now you want to kill me?" I asked. "You want to watch me die? Is that what you want?" I asked. How would that help him? "You don't do that when you love someone." I yelled at him.

"You're right, that's exactly what I can't do." he said. "I can't watch you die." he said, suddenly holding the gun to his head. "Please, forgive me." he said and shortly afterwards there was a loud bang.

Everything went in slow motion from there on. I didn't want to look, but I couldn't look away. I stared closely as Nick shot a bullet into his head. I stared closely at how he fell to the floor and the blood spread over the floor. I just stared while the scenario happened.

I was in shock. There was nothing I could do. I didn't even cough, or at least I didn't notice. I didn't even notice a tear running down my cheek. I was in a trance. Like a trauma. I got tired. Infinitely tired. I wanted to sleep, that was all what I was thinking in that moment.

"Magnus!" I heard someone scream but really quiet. Still, I didn't look away. I was still staring at Nick as he lay lifeless on the floor. I heard banging on the door as well, but it sounded as if I was under water and everything happened out of water. It felt like nothing of this was real.

Light flooded this hall and I immediately noticed the fresh air that came in. Only when I felt a hand on my cheek that tilted my head to the side did I see Alexander looking at me with fear in his eyes.

"Magnus." he said but I just looked at him. I didn't say a word. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I wanted to sleep. I heard a loud scream, which made me look at Nick again because it was coming from that direction.

It was Elliott who screamed. He knelt next to Nick and cried. His hands were on Nick's face. He seemed to be screaming again, but I didn't hear it this time. I think my brain just blanked it out.

Celine and Blake stood behind Elliott and tried to pull him away, but Elliott resisted. He didn't want to let his friend go. The next thing I saw was Alec, who helped me up. He must have untied me already. I hadn't noticed that either. My eyes grew heavy. I just wanted to sleep.