Chaoskouji

Arc 3 Chapter 11.5.1 - SS Horikita 2

What does it mean to have an ally?

That's what Ayanokouji told me, as he beat me to the ground. That I need to have allies. And maybe he was right.

In this school, it seems I can't live alone.

I want to get to Class A. If I'm ever going to be acknowledged by nii-san, then I need to get there. I will not be his disappointing little sister. I will prove to him that I'm worth his time.

And to do that, I need allies.

That's what Ayanokouji was trying to tell me. He'd been trying to tell me that for months now, poking and prodding constantly, engineering situations to my benefit. He knew that he wouldn't work for the class, and so he gave me the opportunity to do it myself.

And like an idiot I ignored it.

Out of stupid misplaced pride, I disregarded his efforts, I ignored his words, convinced I didn't need help from someone like him. Someone pathetic.

It turns out I was the pathetic one after all.

To think I actually considered myself above him. Sure, for years I had gone along being the best at everything that mattered, but even so, to ignore the evidence right in front of me was the most conceited thing I have ever done.

Ayanokouji was a genius, I'd known that since I met him. He was also strong. He'd beaten nii-san in a fight, but I'd deluded myself into disbelieving that had happened.

Now I'd experienced it myself I knew better.

Everything he'd said to me was right. In between every blow, with unimaginable power behind them, was an accusation just as strong as his blows.

"I gave you respect in the class by saving Sudou."

Yes, he had organised the situation so that I was the hero, of sorts, the one to save Sudou from expulsion. And from that, much of the animosity had cleared up.

"I gave you a loyal follower to help your actions."

This was a painful reminder of what I had ignored. Sudou had been at my side constantly since I saved him, feeling he owed me a debt. And I had consistently pushed him away, ignored him, and wasted the potential of having him work for me.

True, he was unwieldly, incapable of doing complex tasks, but having him as my pawn would have made this exam just a little bit easier to win myself. Instead, in his time of crisis, when he came to me for help I turned him away, intent on letting him suffer an unjust punishment to teach him a lesson.

"I gave you a chance to be leader of the class. And you ignored all of these."

This one hurt the most. Ayanokouji had made me leader. Even Kouenji had recognised it as a good choice, knowing I could do it, but what had I done with the opportunity?

I had sat, alone, and wallowed in self-pity. Yes, I was suffering from an illness, but that didn't stop me from directing others. I had every chance to become the leader, to prove my worth, but instead I gave up on the exam, believing it to be impossible, while Ayanokouji made the impossible a reality.

"It's pathetic. You believe yourself superior, and yet you fail so easily. It's good that you aren't the leader. If we had to rely on you, there'd be no hope of victory."

He was right. I was pathetic.

The class had relied upon me to secure our spot, and I was so incompetent at that that Ayanokouji had taken advantage of my uselessness. I couldn't even manage the single task I was given.