Chaoskouji

Arc 3 Chapter 11.5.2 - SS Ichinose 1

Is this where my story ends?

My journey through high school, is it over already? Not that I'm going anywhere, but the world here is a very different place from what it had been like before.

Not just the world, but the people in it.

Actually, it was mostly the people. It seemed everyone was different from how they were in middle school.

Not that I had known any of my fellow classmates in middle school, but the attitude, the thought patterns, the emotions were completely upside down.

I came here to move on from my past, to return to the Honami I had been before the incident, but it seemed that was a task more complicated than I had imagined.

I guess I really was naïve...

I came here to experience what I had missed out on, to return to the days on the playground, to spending time with my friends. To enjoy life and get along with everyone, to spend three years of high school in a happy peaceful time.

But that wasn't possible anymore.

Most of that I blamed on Ayanokouji, although it wasn't really his fault.

In the end it was mine.

This school encouraged competition, the forced it to happen, and he simply picked up on that earlier than most. No, the real person to blame was me.

Me and my naïve ideals.

I thought everything would be the same, that everyone could get along happily. And it was that thinking that almost doomed my class.

Of course, I was more than ready for the competition. A challenge to reach Class A, sure I was all for that. It was fun, exciting. A reason to interact with other classes, in a friendly battle for the top. I had made some moves, tried to build connections in other classes, not just out of friendship but to establish feelers. The only person who saw through me was Ayanokouji.

I guess that's what I get for not being completely sincere in my friendship with him.

I had wanted to be friends, but at the same time I was trying to use him, at least his brain, in a small way. No, it wasn't his fault for striking back at me, for breaking me off from my class, it was my own for violating my ideals.

And in my class, it was over. We had spent the day playing at the beach, before relaxing on the cruise ship, and at first everything seemed ok. After the commotion with the reveal of the results, and Kanzaki's betrayal, it seemed everything had gotten back to normal.

But I could tell what was going on.

I'm not so naïve to be unable to read the room, to tell everyone was wary of me. Of course they did their best not to show it, my beloved class of friends, but none of them seemed to know what to do, how to react.

Because they were right, it was my fault we almost lost. And it was Kanzaki who saved us.

Which is why it wasn't a surprise when he called me up to the deck that night and told me bluntly he wanted me to step down from my leadership position.

And honestly, I agreed with him.

I wasn't capable of being a leader. I wasn't capable of making the hard choice, of prioritising people, of going up against the cruel ruthlessness in other classes. I couldn't do it.

All I could do was be a good friend.

And there they went, my dreams and hopes, rushing off the boat into the black expanse before me.