My Simpsons Guy Story

chapter 8: Simpson Family Vacation

The following week at the Simpsons house, Bart, Lisa, and Meg were on the floor, watching TV. They all took long showers before bed last night and before they knew it, they felt cured from their horrendous experience from Kamp Krusty. It felt all better and they were alive and still together. They of course, had the Itchy & Scratchy Show on.

Scratchy tried to lift weights in order to be too strong for Itchy to attack. Itchy blew a bubblegum bubble and popped it with a toothpick, then tried to poke Scratchy. It did nothing until Itchy left a bunch of holes in his chest, making the strong cat now bleed to death and Itchy took him down with a chainsaw. This of course made the kids laugh out loud. 

"Thanks, kids." Itchy looked to the camera, being able to sense the sound of a child's laugh. 

"Now, I'd like to talk to you seriously for a moment." Scratchy added.

"Yep, this week is the grand opening of Itchy & Scratchy Land," the mouse explained. "The violentest place on Earth." he took out a pair of scissors and jabbed them into Scratchy's head as he took out a sign which read: TICKET SALES.

Scratchy took the scissors out, also pulling out his brain and spinal cord. "And to celebrate, for this week only, we're cutting ticket prices in half."

Krusty turned off the TV from his main stage, looking to the camera. "Kids, you heard the cartoon rat. If you haven't already run to your parents begging to go, do it now. You wont' be missing anything funny. I'll just be sitting here and reading this grown-up newspaper," he said, doing what he said he was doing. "Go now." he told the kids watching this.

Bart, Lisa, and Meg gasped and ran off, leaving the TV. The nearest adult they found was Homer on the couch with a bible in his hands.

"Dad, remember how you said that going to Itchy & Scratchy Land would be 'too damned expensive'?" Lisa asked her father. 

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days," Homer frowned. "Look at this Bible I just got, 15 bucks. And talk about a preachy book. Everybody's a sinner now except this guy."

"But, Mr. Simpson, we just saw on TV, Itchy & Scratchy Land is cuttings its prices in half," Meg spoke up. "So can we go? It wont' cost as much money!"

"Can we? Can we? Can we?" Bart and Lisa asked over and over.

"No, no, no," Homer shook his head, but he then asked something that was different from no, but still not the answer they wanted. "Ask your mother."

Bart, Lisa, and Meg slid into the kitchen floor as Marge did some cleaning.

"Mom, guess what?" Bart said first.

"We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!" Lisa added.

"No," Marge looked to them a little firmly. "I've already planned our vacation. We're going to the Highway 9 Bird Sanctuary."

"Bird Sanctuary?" Meg nearly whined. 

"Yes, Megan," Marge nodded before continuing. "I understand they they've installed a new bird feeder this year. It's shaped like a diner and it's on this really tall pole."

Bart, Meg, and Lisa had horrified dropped jaws of expression on their face. That didn't sound fun at all and it wasn't where they wanted to go. 

That night, the kids were in their pajamas, about to go to bed.

"Man, what're we gonna do?" Bart groaned. "We'll never get to go to Itchy & Scratchy Land."

"This seems serious," Meg scratched her chin. "We need a method that'll get them to agree... Like an accident or something."

"Accident?" Bart leaned in.

"Yeah, parents usually feel guilty when you get hurt and they'll do anything to make up for it." Meg explained.

"But how would we do that at a time like this?" Lisa asked. "It's almost bedtime."

Bart and Meg hummed, then said at the same time, "I got an idea!"

"Oh, no, you first." Bart allowed her to.

"No, it's okay, you can go first." Meg smiled to him.

Bart smirked. "Okay, we'll need a wagon."

Homer and Marge were already asleep. Bart, Lisa, and Meg came barging in with Bart in the wagon, lying like he was knocked out.

"Mom, Dad, Bart's dead!" Lisa cried.

Homer and Marge shot up out of bed in total shock.

"Dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!" Bart sat up right then. "You know, Itchy & Scratchy Land's not just for kids."

"He's right you know, I looked into it and check this out," Meg walked to the edge of their bed, turning the lights on with a pamphlet. "There's this place called Parents' Island. There's dancing, bowling, fashionable shops, over 100 bars and salons, there's even a world-class chemical dependency center... Come on, Mrs. Simpson," she smirked then with cool eyes. "There's recipe related bumper cars~"

Homer and Marge were actually tempted by that offer. They took a look at the pamphlet and it sounded perfect for all of them. Marge admitted that it might be embarrassing, but she accepted and made the three kids cheer. Bart and Lisa had to admit, that was embarrassing. 

"What happened?" Meg asked.

"Dad put ice cream all over this one farmer and made fun of the fact he wouldn't fight back." Lisa sighed in dismay.

"Oh, Megan, even worse was our trip to Sandy Beach." Marge added in.

Bart chuckled. "Shark Boy."

"This year, I want us to do things together as a family," Marge said to them. "Megan is also our guest this year and it's up to us to be a good host family. And a lot of good exercise outdoors, so we'll have a lot of wonderful memories on our vacation."

"Don't worry, Mom," Bart promised. "We'll make you proud of us."

"This'll be more exciting than visits to Grandma and Grandpa." Meg smiled, feeling excited for her next adventure with the Simpson family.

"Lobster hat," Homer already started to pack a bag. "Fishnet, Speedo Jr., wheely shoes, invisible dog leash... Well, I'm all packed."

"Come on, guys, let's get ready to go." Meg said to her new friends, leaving the parents' bedroom.

"I'll call Grampa." Marge went to get to the phone.