My Simpsons Guy Story

chapter 17: Just a Crazy Sunday

The concert didn't turn out as well as many would expect. The Green Day band members had drowned to death from the polluted lake of Springfield all because they wanted to talk about the environment to the citizens which was a bonehead move. It was also now time for church and the Simpson family coming with Meg was running late. 

"I hate being late!" Marge grunted.

"Well, I hate going," Homer retorted. "Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my death bed?"

"Mr. Simpson, they can hear you inside..." Meg hissed to him to keep him quiet.

"Relax! Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God!" Homer said to her as he opened the door and saw the townspeople looking back at them with angry looks on their faces.

Meg quietly went with Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa, and Bart to find a seat while Homer was quietly trying to get on everyone's good side. Meg looked around and smiled once she saw Abe. It was either very heartwarming or just confusion, but Abe had seen Meg as his own granddaughter and he was actually very sweet toward her. 

Sure, he had slip-ups now and then, being Homer's father, but he was actually quite taken by the girl and it hurt Meg whenever she had to tell him she wasn't his actual grandchild and just visiting for the summer. Bart bowed his head and shut his eyes once they sat down, but took out a hand-held game console to play with, but Maggie took the game out and confiscated it due to it being a violent baby game. 

"Now, today, I'd like to try something a little different," Reverend Lovejoy said, then pointed to the large crowd. "I'm gonna call on one of you!"

When he said this, everyone cowered down under their seats, Barney even screamed. 

"Now the word of God dwells within everyone, I want you to let that word out! Let your spirit—" Lovejoy tried to convince them, then sighed as he was interrupted yet again by the most devoted person in Springfield. "What is it, Ned?"

"The good Lord is telling me to confess to something." Ned replied as he stood up.

"Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay..." Homer whispered with his fingers crossed.

Meg yawned, church always made her very sleepy, but at least it wasn't two hours before school would start like when her Grandpa Francis would visit. And to a Catholic Church no less. 

"An immodest sense of pride in our community." Ned continued.

"Somebody else. Let the Lord's light shine upon you!" Lovejoy continued his own speech, not wanting to hear anymore from the Flanders man who was recently widowed. "Feel the spirit. Let it out!"

"Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen!" Abe suddenly shouted out which made Meg jolt awake instantly. "And they're going to happen to you, and you, and you... And you!" he pointed all around, but then to Marge and fell to the floor, having an episode. "Oh, Nelly!"

"Oh, my gosh, Abe, are you okay?" Meg asked, frantic and worried about her pen pal's grandfather. "Somebody do something!"

"Dad!" Lisa called to Homer.

Homer flipped through a bible, feeling totally lost. "This book doesn't have any answers!"

"People of Springfield, heed this warning!" Abe said as he was on the floor while the Comic Book Guy recorded him on his phone. "People of Springfield! Heed this warning. Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever!! Beware! Beware! Time is short. Eeepa! Eeepa! Eeeeeeepaaaaa! Believe me, BELIEVE ME!"

Marge looked horrified, what was that all about and what was going to happen to her? Homer rolled Abe up through the rug and decided to take him out of the church while the others watched in slight horror as Abe still rambled, but thanked them for listening.