Flames Of Redemption

2

Do you know these starry nights where you can see the whole bright mesmerizing stars? Not only stars, maybe Jupiter, maybe Venus, maybe other endless celestial objects. Regan kept watching the view, her mind lost in thoughts. She was staring at the sky, sitting in an old bench, in the backyard. Her knees were to her chest and it had passed midnight.

The girl kept looking at the night sky for long. She was lucky that there wasn't much light pollution, like in other urban places.

Monica had fallen asleep hours ago, because she was too tired, and tomorrow she was going to start a new job as a manager.

Tomorrow morning, Regan had school. She was eighteen and in senior year. Maybe she was supposed to sleep at this hour, but she wasn't.

For some other minutes, after doing the same thing, gazing at stars, she convinced her mind to go back inside. She didn't know why but there was always something about the stars. She was always drawn to bizarre, unknown things for humans.

After she went inside her room, she changed into a set of loose, kitty-themed pajamas. She brushed her teeth and lay in the bed, trying to get some sleep.

However, that familiar feeling crept on her, as well as the mass of these whole intrusive and negative thoughts.

It was the reason why she was so paranoid, why her head always hurt, why her body was so tense.

As for that familiar feeling, well that was a feeling of non-belonging. She had felt that since she was little, she didn't remember how years old, but probably around seven. It was like she had always known she was different, that she didn't fit in. And it was true. She didn't fit at all, she felt like an intruder, she hated crowds, friends, people. They were dirty, they cared about sex and money, and material things, they were shallow. They were stupid, and she hated them.

She knew that she was probably being unfair, that there were good people in the world, that not everyone was like that. But still, she couldn't see that. She couldn't see anyone who was good. She could only sink in her negative thoughts, in her tense body, in her head.

She sighed and rolled onto her side, the cold blankets felt cool and somewhat soothing. It was useless though. Sleep eluded her again.

Her mind was hell awake, thinking that she was about to die, thinking always the worst.

The night was silent. She had left the window open for some air but still felt as suffocating. Boredom grew as well and she wondered if there was anyone else feeling like her, like a mess, tortured by her own mind.

She tossed and turned in bed, trying to find a comfortable spot. It was useless. If she covered herself with blankets, she felt hot and trapped; if she let them pool on the floor, she was freezing. If she closed her eyes, images of the dark, intrusive images clouded her. If she stayed awake, all previously mentioned things happened as well. She was terrified to look up in Google about what she felt because it would make things even worse. She knew it. She had done it before and had ended up even more terrified and anxious.

She had always felt like that, always tense, never calm, never positive, always waiting for something terrible to happen.

She wished she could talk to someone about it, but who would understand? Who would care? Her aunt would act like Google, freakily send her to the hospital. Her parents, well they weren't alive. Regan only knew their appearances, even that was just from pictures. She had no friends, no real connections to anyone. She had only her mind, her negative, paranoid, self-depressive mind.

Finally, she cursed under her breath and shoved the covers away, knowing it was no use to lay there.

She sat up and grabbed her phone, starting to play a game. But then, it was something else. That time, she felt watched. She glanced around the room, her heart thumping. She clenched her jaw, hating her brain for always working against her, making her paranoid.