ANXIETY // BILLIE EILISH // COMPLETED

57 | Wish You Were Gay

[57 | Wish You Were Gay] 

we are all watching tv on the tour bus, not wanting to ever leave the duvet mountain. we all winced as the tour bus came to a halt, knowing we would have to get up. "Claudia, carry me!" i demand like a child, she walks over and picks me up, shortly after tossing me into the blankets, as Finneas rolls his eyes at us. 

I walk next to Billie fighting the urge not to hold her hand, knowing that paparazzi are all around.  "what's that," I ask pointing to a small package she is holding in her hand. 

"it's for the show, just a prop," she says, gripping it tighter.

"Okay..." I say sceptically, not questioning her further, knowing she is still sensitive about being on tour. 

we walk into the green room, and we immediately run over to the snack table, we begin stuffing our faces, making the most of the food. "Bro, they have vegan cupcakes," Billie says, her smile stretched across her whole face. 

I sat down on the bright orange sofa, and took out my phone, scrolling through social media, looking at memes. shortly after, Billie and Finneas leave for sound-check and its just me and Claudia. "Finneas thinks Billie is up to something," 

"Yeah, I do too, she had that package," I reply.

***

me and Claudia were still sat in the green room, and there were only a few minutes till the end of the show. we decided to go and wander around the venue before the fans left the arena. 

As we left the green room, I picked up a piece of paper that was on the floor, realising it was the setlist "wait, that's weird, wish you were gay is at the end of the setlist," 

"wait, she isn't going to, you know, out on stage, in front of everyone?"

"Oh my god!" I reply suddenly realising what was in the package.

We run, and when I say run we walked at a slightly over normal pace cuz we ain't running for no one, to the side of the stage, where Billie is at the end of wish you were gay.

We knew we were to late, and we watch as Billie sings the last note and pulls a rainbow flag from the package.

She waved it around and the fans immediately know what's up, and they cheer her.

"Oh my god," I whisper under my breath, oh my god.

Billie then sees me and pulls me on stage. "What are you doing," ,I whisper my voice stern.

"This," she says, smashing our lips together as the crowd cheers even louder.

We break apart and Billie looks out at the crowd "she hot," she turns to me and winks before saying goodbye.

We walk off stage and back to the green room, I didn't say anything, too in Shock to think.

"What the fuck Billie!" I stand up and begin pacing around the room.

"What! We don't have to hide it anymore," she walks over to me, resting her Hands on my shoulders so I stop walking around.

I look at her and I can't help the tears starting to pool in my eyes. "You should've come to me first, you should have told me Billie, we are meant to go through this stuff together,"

"What do you mean, I thought this was a good thing,"

I feel my stomach drop as it all hits me, "Oh my god!  You just kissed my in front of thousands of people, the whole world is going to know,"

"What do you mean the whole world is going to know why does that matter,"

"Billie, I didn't mean it like that,"

"You know what, don't worry about it," she snaps walking out of the room.  

"Billie, wait," the door slams shut and I am hit with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

I was still in Shock, I still hadn't properly processed the events of the day and my thoughts were scattered everywhere.

I decided to give Billie time to cool off, but after an hour I couldn't bear it.

I walked into the empty arena, Spotting Billie Lying down on the stage.

I walk over to her and lie down next to her, she doesn't day anything but she doesn't move either.

"You know, the first time you said I love you to me I was actually scared," I begin "I was scared that now you loved me you would get bored and that i would get boring, I was scared that I might stop getting butterflies every time I looked at you. I still am, and now everyone  knows about us, I'm scared that you will find someone better," I feel stupid, as the words spill out of my mouth, by I needed to let go of the feeling I had held inside for too long "Billie, when I'm with you, there is no where else I would rather be, you're so beautiful its painful, it hurts because I know I can never leave you, meaning if one of us would leave it would be you, wait I didn't mean it li-

"I know how you meant it," she says her voice raspy from crying. "But I can't leave either,the first day I met you, I knew I had to protect you whatever the cost. And it hurts me to see that you look at yourself with do much hatred, you are the most incredible person I know, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy,"

We the both stay still, in silence, watching the ceiling, knowing that we had found our soul mate, it was a weird feeling, something most people will never feel.

A/N

PLEASE PLEASE READ

Nothing like some wholesome content

I also just wanted to say that I was reading through all the comments earlier and it makes me so happy.

I am so grateful to all my readers and especially to those who have stuck it out this far.

I have planned out the rest of this book, and we are quickly nearing the end which. Is so sad BUT don't worry as I am planning to either  write a second book or an entirely new book about Billie OR BOTH just let me know what you would like to read from me !!
Lizzy :)