[62 | MTV Awards Pt2]
After an hour of answering questions and posing for pictures, we finally made it through to the hall. At the front was the stage, then tables for the nominees, their family and friends, and behind that, standing spaces for the public.
we walked down the path to the front of the room where our table was situated, although the walk should only take a minute, we had to walk by all the fans. I didn't mind though, they were all always so sweet, and its better than the interviews.
After getting to our table we all sat around it, and Billie and Finneas went off talking to someone, leaving me, Claudia, Maggie and Patrick sitting around the table. "are you ago?" Maggie asked me, obviously seeing me fidget.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, really its all good,"
"Are you sure-" Maggie was interrupted by Billie and Finneas rejoining the table, where she then dropped the subject, knowing I didn't want to ruin this night for Billie.
"You ready to win," I say to her, squeezing her hand.
"I won't look at all the crazy amazing talented people here, its moments like this where I still feel like a 13-year-old girl singing in my brother's room,"
"well you are," I say, "Well you're not 13 anymore, then I'd have the cops banging on my door, but you're the same girl, still singing in your brother bedroom. that's why they love you, Billie, because your you,"I smiled tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
"If I do win, and I really do mean if, when I go up there," she points to the stage "you have to promise to not break eye contact with me,"
"what?" I ask laughing, a little confused.
"I don't wanna fuck up, I don't wanna trip, or fuck up my speech or anything, and if I know you're here I won't," she says, s I suddenly realise how vulnerable she is.
"I promise," I say holding out my pinkie finger for her to shake.
The lights then go out, and the stage lights up, I look around suddenly feeling overwhelmed like I'm trapped in a box, I play with the bottom of my T-shirt. I try my best to concentrate on what the presenters are saying, but I end up zoning, I'm at the MTV awards sitting at a table with Billie Eilish. god, she is just a human why can't people just call he Billie, It's hot in here. Where's the door. Why me. What do I have that's special? Billie could quite literally have had anyone in the world and she picked me. why. the first time I met her I basically ran away. Do people think I'm using Billie? Oh my god everyone must thinkI'm using her, why can't they see I lover her
"yo," Billie waved a hand in front of my face, bringing me back into reality.
"Sorry, I erh, zoned out," I tried to act calm.
"That's fine, my category is up," she smiled pointing to the stage. I nodded in response as the hosts called out the names of the nominees when she called out Billie's name, a clip from bad guy played on the screen.
"And the winner is," the host opened up the envelope "Billie Eilish,"
"The fuck," she said, in a tur Billie manner, a cameraman was stood recording our table us Billie hugged everyone and then walked up onto the stage, a camera still on our table. I watched her walk up onto the stage, smiling but I couldn't focus properly, knowing I might be being screened on national television right not, it scared me. the room felt like a furnace, everyone was still screaming, I tapped my leg on the floor, and bit my lip trying to zone it out but I couldn't. I couldn't do it.
I stood up and ran through the path of fans, I found i door to the outside and opened it. it was around the back of the building, somewhere I probably shouldn't be. I sat down in the corner of two walks unable to breathe. I couldn't think.
"Rory," Claudia spotted and ran over. I tried to talk but couldn't. tears left my eyes, my lungs still not cooperating. my hands were shaking, and I felt scared. "Rory, you gotta slow down you breathing," she said.
A security guard walked out to where we are, but he saw me and crouched down next to Claudia. "hey, hey follow me," he counted down my breathing, and after twenty minutes I could breathe properly again.
"thank you," I said weakly as he nodded and went back to his job, tears still pouring down my eyes as I was huddled in a ball. "I let her down Claudia, I promised I'd be there for her and i wasn't, I promised,"
"Dude, you just had the worst anxiety attack I think i have ever seen, you really need to chill out right now," her phone buzzed and she looked at the message typing back.
"Who is it," I ask
"finneas, the awards are over, there are drinks, but apparently Billie is tired so we are just going back to the bus," she says, holding out her hand to me as I grab it and stand up.
"I ruined this for her, this was supposed to be such a special day and i ruined it," I look down at my feet as we walk back to the bus.
A/N
okay, but you guys are not ready for the end of this book.
have a great day *virtual hug*
YOU ARE READING
ANXIETY // BILLIE EILISH // COMPLETED
Fanfiction"God your eyes are so beautiful it actually hurts me to look at them because I know at some point I will have to look away," she snaps her attention over to me, which is when I realise I just said that out loud. *TRIGGER WARNING* - anxiety attacks...
