ANXIETY // BILLIE EILISH // COMPLETED

64 | snow

[64 | snow]

It was the next day, and I laid in my bunk, not wanting to leave the warmth of my duvet. I could hear people downstairs, but the comfort of my cocoon was just too much. just as I was about to drift back to sleep, I heard footsteps climbing up the stairs. I knew it was Billie, you could tell it was her from the way her chains would rattle as she walked. it was a sound that had become comforting for me, because I knew that if I heard her chains, she was always near me, always there to protect me.

she pulled back the curtain covering my bunk, and I gave her a confused look, as we hadn't spoken since dinner last night. "Here," she said with a smile on her face. she handed me a hat, scarf and mittens. I jumped out of bed as she was standing by her wardrobe throwing clothes onto the floor.

"What are you doing," I ask rubbing my eyes, still half asleep.

"here pick something warm, layer up, no questions," she practically skips down the stairs.

"huh," I say to myself, replaying that whole scene in my head, still being just as confused as i was before. she had thrown jackets and pants on the floor, all of them made out of a sort of waterproof material. I walked down the stairs, a hat and a scarf in my hand.

"hey put them on," Billie says pointing to my hand, so I did. She was wearing similar attire to me, only further making me wonder what she was up to. she stepped off the bus and i followed her, a smile tugging at my face once I realised what was going on.

"snow," I whispered seeing the fields laced in snowflakes. we were in the middle of nowhere, obviously, we had pulled over to get out, it was amazing the cold air brushed past my cheeks stinging my nose. I looked around and realised that I couldn't see Billie anywhere, I scrunched up my face confused.

"Duck," Finneas called to me jumping out from behind a tree,

"why?" I say, then feeling a snowball hit my back, I turn around, where Billie is crouched behind the bus. "that's, why," I say quietly, compacting snow together in my hand, "You better run Eilish," I run towards her, the snowball hitting her leg. we both fall over laughing, rolling around in the snow.

Finneas and Claudia surround me and Billie, tons of snowballs in their hands. "Oh no," I say as they begin throwing them all at once. I felt the cold clumps of ice fall down my back, as I squirmed around, me and Billie still on the ground.

Finneas and Claudia wandered off, leaving me and Billie alone, as snow began to fall from the sky. we laid next to each other on the snow, both too scared to speak. "Rory-" I cut her off

"It's okay Billie, I'm sorry, I should have told you,"

"No, it's my fault," she paused breathing in the crisp air, "before I met you, I hated the fame, I hated the pressure, I just wanted to blend in. I was so tired of answering the same questions over and over, everything just felt so draining and so pointless. But then I met you, and that all changed because I knew that at the end of the day, I would be able to be with you, you taught me to love my job, even when it gets rough, and that's something no one else in this world was capable of doing. I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself. I realised that you were the reason I was even on that stage, and it scared me. I was angry at myself for needing you, it made me feel weak. But I do need you, You are the reason I can even function, I love you, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry if I hurt you, I've never done this before, I've never been in love, it's scary, and I'm terrified that I'm going to screw it up," She is still staring up at the sky, and I turn my head to look at her. snowflakes land on her cheeks and her nose is a rosy colour, cold from the snow, making her look so perfect I have to Blink to make sure I'm not dreaming.

"Billie, I... You bring out the best in me, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm floating, every second we are together it hurts, I know that we will have to split up, so you can play a show, or so I can paint, when I'm not with you you are all I can think about, I haven't done anything without thinking about you since the day we met. Before we met, I only left my house to work, I couldn't go in crowds, every single thing I did or someone else did, I would spend hours thinking about it, I was just existing, but when I'm with you, I'm living," I look back up to the sky, and we lay there, just knowing that we are safe when we are together. It was at that moment that I really understood love, it was terrifying, but in the best way. it was knowing that you aren't alone, it's being able to depend on someone, and not having to be scared to need them. And I needed Billie.

A/N

Hey :) I'm sorry for not updating yesterday, I had so much school work, and it all had to be handed in yesterday, I was doing school all day, and went to bed right after, but I hope this hella cute chapter makes up for it!

only five more chapter :( it makes me so sad to say that, because I don't want to let Rory go, she has been such a great character, and I really love writing this little snippet of her journey.

Have a great day I love you all, and I am making the most of these last few chapters :)