WITH YOU- I Never Had A Choice ✔️

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

DYLAN

I stand there frozen looking at the wooden door as it slams closed. Avery just stormed out of my room because she wanted me to stay away from her. I saw hatred in her eyes, something that terrified me to even think of but it wasn't directed towards me. I don't know why I feel like she said all those things to keep me away from her. Because if she thought this little thrash can move me from my ground, then she is wrong. I will prove to her that she is wrong and that she wants me as much as I do her. However, this is not a physical want, it's like I've never felt before. I want her all to myself. Just her presence in my everyday life seems to be just enough. I can't let her pull away. She told me not to.

I open the door and stomp across the hall. Right as I am in front of her door, I hear a muffled voice which sounds like sobbing and sniffing. Anger runs through my veins and I throw the door open. It hits the wall producing a loud thud. Avery jolts her up, pulling her face out of the pillow. Her eyes are red and swollen. So is the tip of her nose and ears. Tears are flowing down her pink tainted cheeks. Her green eyes stare at me in shock.

I came in here to confront her for what she said. I came in here to keep my promise of not letting her pull away. I hate the fact that she is hurt and refuses to open up. I am very sure that's all she has been doing all these years. One thing I know about this woman is that she hates being vulnerable in front of anyone.

Seeing her this way, full-on crying, all alone after pushing me away, I don't know what snaps in me and without thinking I speed across the room and crash my lips against hers. My eyes close as soon her lips touch mine. Both of my hands are cupping her cheeks and tilting her head upwards.

Her hands are limp and resting on her lap but her mouth opens as soon as my lips find hers. She leaves a sob which sounds like a moan into my mouth. I feel my hands getting wet due to the constant flow of tears down her cheeks. She starts kissing me back soon and brings up her arms circling my neck. She pulls me closer to her and I lean in. Removing one hand from her cheek, I place it on the mattress.

Her lips are moving in sync with mine and our tongues play along. She keeps kissing me until a sob escapes her lips and she loses it. I keep my eyes closed and gently place my forehead against hers. My hand moves from her cheek to behind her neck. She grips the shirt on my shoulders and starts sobbing. I don't move but with every sob, I know I am losing a piece of me to her. Knowing that this vulnerable girl hides her pain behind that strong woman outfit makes my chest get heavier.

Slowly as her sobbing stops, she loosens her grip and I pull away a little to look at her face. Her face is tainted with tearstains. Her face looks flushed and her hair, all ruffled. Even in her worst, she seems to be the most beautiful women I've ever laid my eyes on.

"I broke my promise to him, " she whispers looking into my eyes. I see the helplessness in her gaze. I want to know what caused this. What promise and to whom? Maybe Marcus. "When Marcus died, I promised to never let anyone into my life ever again. I promised that I would never try to find happiness as I snatched his from him."

"What do you mean?"

"I am the reason he is dead, Dylan!" She raises her voice and the tears are back again. I want her to cry and let it all out. I know that will help but seeing her cry breaks me. "I told you when he died but I didn't tell you why. It was our graduation day so we were supposed to celebrate. Marcus wanted to stay in whereas I wanted to go out to a club with our friends. I forced him to go to the club. There we all got drunk. A little too much. So, when we were leaving..." She sniffs as her voice cracks and continues. "God I remember it clear as day. So, we were out of the club and I blurted out that I loved him. I didn't want to ruin our friendship but at that time, I wasn't thinking straight. That's how drunk I was. So when I told him, you know what he said?" She lets out a bitter laugh. "He said he loved me back. Yes, the person that I fell in love with loved me back. All that I dreamt of was about to come true but..." Her voice reduces to mere whisper and she lets out a sob. I gently place my hand on her knee and rub it gently.

"Avery..."

"That thing was just after our first and last kiss. You know Marc always used to say how he wanted to get married and have kids. He said that if it gets too late and none of us gets on with someone, we would settle down together. I took that from him. I took his chance of being happy and killed him." I slide to her side and sit on the bed facing her. Her head is tilted down.

"No, you didn't," I state.

"Yes, Dylan. I did. So I have no right to be happy and you make me happy." She looks into my eyes and bites her lips. I can say that she is covering her sobs.

"It's ridiculous. That could've happened under other circumstances as well. It had nothing to do with you wanting to go out. Avery if you start to blame yourself for everything, that would be foolish. You told it was an accident and accidents happen, no one is at fault. You didn't know that would happen. Did you?"

"No..."

"Avery, I know it's hard for you provided Marcus was your best friend since your childhood. So, tell me what would be more important to him, some stupid promise or his best friend's happiness?" She stays quiet and keeps her eyes fixed at the far corner of the room. "You know by doing this to yourself you are actually letting down Marcus. And you don't want to do that." I wait for her to take in everything and wait to see if she has anything to say. I need her to get out of this guilt. She has been killing herself all through these years. "Is that what you saw in the dream?"

Her eyes shift to mine and she says, "I saw Marcus finding out about you...and he was upset."

"You know that's just a subconscious event right?"

"I do. But..."

"There are no buts here Avery." She sighs and looks down at her hands in her lap. We stay silent and wait. Maybe she needs more time to think. I stand up and she looks up at me. "I'm going to sleep now but call me if you need anything." She doesn't nod. She just stares at my face for a while. I figure it's best to give her some time start to move towards the door when her cold fingers wrap around my wrist stopping me. I look down at her.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She looks so hopeful and vulnerable.

"You don't have to ask." I lean in and peck on her forehead. She shifts to the other side of the bed making room for me. "I could sleep on the couch. That won't be a problem," I offer.

"I would like to have you here, " she says in a tiny voice. Even in the dim light, I see the blush creep up her neck as she says the words.

I smile and climb into the bed. We both get under the cover but there is a respectable distance between our bodies. Despite a part of my mind yelling to pull her close to my body, I know she needs time. Moreover, I don't even know where our relationship stands right now. Not on pen and paper but based on feelings. We both lay facing the ceiling. The room fills with silence and only the sound of our breaths can be heard. "I didn't mean to hurt you, " Avery says in a little voice after a while.

"I know, " I turn my head in her direction and then roll over to face her completely. She does the same and we lay there staring at each other for some time. "Good Night, Avery."

"Good Night, Dylan." She whispers and closes her eyes and so do I.