WITH YOU- I Never Had A Choice ✔️

CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR

DYLAN

I walk into the room, holding my sobs. I refuse the urge to close my eyes and turn my head away. This is too hard. Through my blurry vision, I try to focus on my mom's face. Pale, lifeless, sunken, yet so peaceful. I can tell that she is having a problem with breathing. And that oxygen mask covers almost all of her face.

I move to her side and sit down beside her. Immediately tears spill out of my eyes but this time, I don't rub them off. The doctor said that I could talk to her and that she could hear me. And what I heard was this was the last time I could talk to her. Taking a deep breath, I push my hand under her fingers and focus on her face. "Hey, mom." Immediately my voice breaks and my throat clogs up. My cheeks are already wet with tears that are flowing uncontrollably. I gulp down the rising sobs and say, "the doctor said you could hear me. I don't know if you can 'cause you seem to be asleep. However, I have a few things to tell you, so I will. It may hurt you and you may get mad at me..." A sob leaves my lips. "...but just hear me out." I sigh and drop my voice. "My marriage with Avery was...staged. It was a real marriage but I married her because I wanted you to be happy. I was supposed to marry her cousin but she eloped so I had to marry Avery instead. I am so sorry, mom."

"But you know what, that was the best decision I ever made." I wipe away a few tears and continue, "I found the love of my life in her, for you. Dad always called you his lighthouse right? Avery is mine. I found love because of you, mom. You gave me the best gift. Thank you so much. And I am so sorry for lying to you all this time. I swear I am telling the truth now." I feel my insides clench at the words. I sit there silent for a while trying to gain composure. Every small moment that didn't matter to me till now, every moment I spent with my mom starts coming back.

"You remember when I was young and you got into a fight with another woman 'cause her son called me a geek? Well, you have to admit, I was indeed a geek. But you still fought and said, " I let out a small laugh remembering the fight and continue, "...' if you don't handle your son, bitch. I will make sure to sew his lips.' You literally threatened a boy of my age because he bullied me." I smile at her face and say softly, "You are the best mom."

Finally, a chain of sobs leave my lips and I press my forehead on the edge of her bed. "I promise I will be the boy you taught me to be. I won't stress too much about anything. I will always keep my family before work. I will clean my room, do my laundry, anything and everything you need me to do but please don't leave me, mom. Please. Please." I stop talking and break down sitting by her side. I keep crying until I feel my eyes drying off.

Finally, I lift my head and stare at her face knowing that this is one of the last time I would be able to sit so close to her and stare at her face. She would soon be gone. There is no denying the fact that it is the time I was dreading. I wish I could stop the moment here and not let her go, ever.

I gulp down and keep staring at her, just watching her breathe. It pains to see her struggle to take a simple puff of breath. She was in pain, she was deteriorating but they didn't tell me. They asked Dr Brown to not inform me about it. Mom didn't want me to worry. I will never understand how any of that made this any better. I have to leave for the night, dad will be here and something tells me that... I suck in a sharp breath and get up on my feet. Leaning over, I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and whisper, "I love you, mom."

******

Turns out I was right. Around 5:30, she fell asleep. Dad freaked out to find her not breathing anymore. He buzzed the doctors and the nurses. I didn't leave the waiting room and Avery stayed all night, holding my hand, silently giving me the support that I needed. A nurse came in to inform us that Mom fell asleep.

We rush to the room to find Dad crying his eyes out, holding onto Mom as if his life depends on her. It actually does. She was always his lifeline. Avery has started sobbing standing beside me but everything blurs out once I see mom. She looks peaceful and...still. She is not breathing. The oxygen mask has been removed. I can see her face. I walk towards her and circle the bed. Stopping near her head, I lean over kiss her cheeks and then her forehead. "Sleep tight, mom, " I whisper and lean back up.

Her body is gently shaking as Dad keeps holding her while sobbing. Avery comes around. I can hear her muffled sobs behind her hand. I can tell that she is trying to hold back her sobs. I step back and walk around the bed towards Dad. Avery kisses mom on the forehead and bids goodbye.

I hold Dad on his shoulder and gently pull him away. He is too tired to fight. He sits down and starts crying as I wrap my arms around him. "I-I never th-thought tha-that she w-would bail on me like th-this, " he cries holding me. "I don't want h-her to g-go. Pl-ease st-stop her." With every broken word that he speaks, my heart keeps breaking even more.

I look at Avery. She is sobbing with her hand covering her mouth. I see tears flow down her eyes. I look down at Dad who is still sobbing. A nurse comes in front and removes all the channels from Mom. She is gone, I realize.

But I don't cry.