Undeniable Feelings (Umbrella Series #1) COMPLETED

19

"Hon..." sweet na tawag sa'kin ni Fabius, sumandal pa siya sa balikat ko kaya inis kong binaba ang librong kunwaring binabasa ko. Nakita ko pang hindi maalis sa labi ni Ryla ang ngisi na kasama naming dalawa.

Ganito kasi 'yan, kumpara sa'ming dalawa ng lalaking ito mas maluwang ang schedule niya kaya malaya siyang sumasama sama sa amin. Hindi ko alam ang course niya dahil hindi naman ako nagtatanong.

Ginalaw ko ang balikat ko nang biglaan na muntik ng ikasubsob ng mukha niya. Nakanguso pa niya akong tinignan na isang irap ang aking sagot.

"Umayos ka nga ang bigat ng ulo mo masakit sa balikat," inis kong sabi.

Narinig ko ang pag-tsk ni Ryla, kumanta kanta pa siya pero nasa akin naman ang tingin niya kaya inirapan ko rin siya.

Alam na niya at ni Ravier ang tungkol sa usapan namin ng lalaking ito para hindi nila bahiran ng malisya ang nangyari. Pero iba ang nakuha kong reaksyon, sinabihan pa akong defensive dahil daw sa paraan ng pagku-kwento ko. Mga baliw talaga.

"Sige... mamaya na lang sa bahay kapag matutulog na."

"Fabius!" pagtataas ko ng boses na nakapukaw ng ilang tao sa paligid. Nahihiya pa akong tumingin sa kanila lalo na kay Ryla na hindi na makatigil sa kakatawa.

He pouted but then turned into a smile. "Okay, sorry kukuha lang ako ng pagkain doon para hindi ka na magalit sa akin. Hintayin mo ako okay?"

Iiling ko siyang sinundan ng tingin hanggang mawala siya sa paningin ko't sumunod si Ryla na nakatitig na sa akin. Naka-cross arms pa ito, tila nag-iisip kung ano na namang kagagahan ang sasabibin niya.

"'Wag mo akong pangunahan Ryla, alam ko 'yang nasa isip mo." Nilapag ko pa ang libro bago napatingin ng malayo.

"Yeah... yeah... you know. So what comes to your mind and you are like giving him special treatment rather than punishment?"

Special treatment? Mukha bang special treatment ang ginagawa ko? Like come on, hibang na ba siya para isipin 'yan?

I intensely looked at her. "Do I seem to be giving him a special treatment? Because as far as I know... I'm not.  This is just that--"

"It is just that you still love him and can't stand to see him suffer? Kaya ba naisip mo ito?" she said without even thinking.

My heart hurts a little bit every time I see him in pain and I won't even deny the love that I still have. It's just that, because of what happened, there's a barrier I've built so that I'm not so marupok if that's the word that can describe my feelings and situation right now.

I don't want to forgive him so easily just because I love him and forgetting the pain and painful memories that I have to experience due to his lies.

Tao pa rin ako at hindi bagay na kailangang mag-adjust sa lahat ng pangyayaring mararanasan ko. It is too early for that.

"I still love him, but not like before," I said bitterly and looked at her. "And I'm doing this not because of love, but it is more of a choice before I vanish into this world."

A choice that only I can change and no one else, not even a man who can love me until the day I die.

This is not how it works, we do not have to change our decisions for things that we are not even sure of. We don't change our paths because that's what people want us to take. And we do not make decisions for others because the main point of all our decisions is ourselves.

There are no other people involved, it's just you and your shadow of thoughts that only you can have.

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