What If He Didn't Die?

Chapter 1: The Nightmare

Either life is a game you play, or life plays games with you. Either you are the player or you are just a toy.

But by the time you realize what your role is, almost half the game is over and you're left standing there having no idea what's happening around you, whimpering to yourself, wishing that someone would come and tell you the rules.

But isn't that the whole trick, there are no rules.

There are no fucking rules.

The thing is, I don't even know where I stand right now, or am I even standing at all? What am I doing?

My mind reels into whirlwinds as I try to understand what's happening with me, my eyes seem to work just fine but I'm unable to figure out any clear images, it's all dark and blurred with occasional colour blasts here and there.

There are noises, loud yet muffled, forcing their way into my head from all sides while I struggle to grasp any of them, failing, as if some hands are closed tight on both my ears.

Are they my hands?

I wonder but there are no answers.

All my senses are lagging and I feel the urgent need to break out of this delusional phase.

With all my might, I yell, and just like that it all ends.


Gasping for breath, as I wake up in the midst of an unknown night, submerged in silent darkness and peaceful chaos, a horrifying feeling dawns over me.

As if something very bad is about to happen. As if something very bad, is happening.

I slap my sweaty palms all over the nightstand for my phone but it's nowhere around and the darkness blinds me. I feel hot like I've been sleeping in a room on fire. My whole body sweating.

As I gulp in anxiety, I realize the presence of an agonizing thirst in my throat. I look around for something to kill this feeling of dying need and fortunate enough, the water bottle stands stiff next to my bed. I reach up to it and take a few yearning sips, but it doesn't feel quenching. I take a few more gulps but the thirst only intensifies.

Putting the useless bottle back, I get out of my bed and reluctantly, walk toward the kitchen. It's too quiet everywhere and I feel alien in the familiar space.

Perhaps, the fact that it has been weeks since I last walked in these hallways, does that to me.

I walk gently through the huge hall, with a diamond-studded chandelier hanging in its centre, towards the kitchen.

Taking out a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator, I decide to go back to my room as the silence and the darkness are too creepy for me to sit there alone and quench my thirst.

The coldness of the bottle makes my skin numb in a matter of seconds and I switch hands to ease my fingers. My feet float effortlessly on the floor as if I'm swimming rather than walking. I try to focus on my steps but fail.

The creepiness of the events and the unusual feeling in my gut makes me wonder for a second if I am actually sleepwalking. The possibility of it all being a dream as well clicks in my numb brain, but it doesn't sustain.

It all unfolds in a matter of seconds, too fast for me to reason and as soon as I reach the end of the kitchen to take another step ahead, the floor disappears into nothingness.

It is just....gone.

The water bottle drops off my grip and spills the ice-cold water all over the floor as I scramble back with all my might to save myself from falling into the unknown.

There is no floor ahead. All I see beyond the kitchen edge is complete darkness. I try to understand whatever I am seeing but there is no logical explanation for it. The same floor I just walked on a few minutes ago is now, nowhere to be seen.

Instead, I see a sharp and very geometrically straight edge to the kitchen floor ending into complete darkness.

How is this possible?

Before I can understand what's happening, things decide to get more complicated. A hand appears at the edge of the floor.

Someone is hanging by the cliff!

The thought appears in my head as I jerk back hastily, in fear and disgust.

I see another hand next to the already hanging one and a hint of tattoo ink on the pale skin sends a shiver down my spine.

Someone, a human, is hanging off the edge. A human I know.

The hands pull themselves as hard as they can to bring their body back on the floor making the veins bulge out on the surface of their pale translucent skin. I take in a shuddered breath and the fear creeps in deeper into my bones.

I scream, but to my horror, no sound comes out of my throat.

The hands pull harder on the floor edge and a head appears. All I can see are two hands hanging at the floor edge and a head in between them, nothing else.

The head slowly tilts upward and my scream burns my throat as I recognize the face.

Still, no sound from me.

I try to scream. I feel the crushing pain in my throat as if someone is rubbing sandpaper against it from the inside, but I find it impossible to create a sound.

It's him, it's Daniel.

What is he doing there?

Why is he hanging off the floor edge of my kitchen?

I fall on the edge in front of him in horror and desperation. He says nothing but keeps staring at my cold face with his dark black eyes.

Weird, his eyes aren't supposed to be black.

"Don't worry I'll save you," I tell him although I can't hear a word coming out of my mouth.

Feeling the pushing urge to do something to save him, I extend my hands to him but I don't feel them anymore. I look around my helpless body only to discover, that both my hands have disappeared, gone.

I can't help him.

"Someone help! We need help! Eric! Mom Dad! Somebody come here!" I keep screaming but still, no sound comes out of my mouth.

Dan's hollow black eyes look at me hopefully, but I can't help him. The unfamiliar darkness of his eyes haunts me. His palms bleeding terribly due to the sharpness of the floor edge. He lets go of one of his hands when he can't bear the pain any longer, making me gasp in horror.

With my eyes, I plead with him to not give up. I tell him that I'll be there with him. He looks into my eyes. His eyes tell me that he won't leave me, that he'll stay by my side. Even behind the darkness of his black eyes, I can read that he's hopeful.

I smile at him to tell him that I understand his message. That I know he will stay but next moment he's no longer there. His bleeding hand gone, just like his blank pale face and those unfamiliar black eyes.

All I see is dark nothingness.

My heart stops and the last pint of air leaves my lungs forever.

I could've saved him.

Why didn't I save him?

He was right there, dying in front of me, once again. And I again let him go.

With all the agony rising in me, I scream so my heart bursts out and I can go to wherever he went.

This time I hear my deafening howl.

I scream louder. I ought to die so I can see him again. I can feel my throat tearing apart but I still am alive. I still am here and he's nowhere near me.

I scream louder.