What If He Didn't Die?

Chapter 30: The Night After

"Wait, Easter!" I heard him call, followed by the sound of hasty footsteps but I didn't turn.

"I'm sorry Daniel, I- I can't, I just-" I kept blabbering between my rapid breaths while he caught up to me in no time. I looked up into his eyes and my trembling body calmed down in his adjacency.

"Easter it's okay just.." he grabbed me by my shoulders.

"No. no-no. No, Daniel, please it's not. I'm so- I can't even, I- this is all so-" I grabbed my head in my hands.

"Easter! Calm down." His eyes repeated his command and I obeyed.

I took in a shuddered breath and slipped his hands off my shoulders. "I think I should leave, it's suffocating, all of it. It's just so much more than I can deal with in one night. Please understand, I-" My voice clearly spoke of the pain behind it. The words all came out weak but I tried my best to make them sound as firm as I could. Because I meant them, I had to leave.

"I told you I'll let you go if you wish so once this conversation was over." He whispered. "But, it isn't over yet Easter Eggs."

What? My forehead frowned up at the thought of more talking.

I wondered what else was there to be said for the night. One thing I knew, it wouldn't be in my favour, just like everything else that had happened that night.

And hadn't he just cleared up every blame I put on him. Did he not just get rid of all his accusations? What else did he have to say?

Even after all I'd gone through that night, my mind was still sane enough to soon find the answer to my questions, and just as expected, it wasn't very pleasing.

He had proven himself innocent of all the sins, now, it was my turn. Except, it wasn't possible for me to do so, because I wasn't innocent at all.

His eyes started dictating all the unspoken crimes I'd committed against him and mine, I was sure, we're only accepting them all without argument. There was no point arguing. There were no arguements. I was guilty. I knew it, and so did he.

But how could I just let it go when my desperate-for-him-heart was begging me to defend myself? I had to at least try. Even though I knew it wouldn't take me anywhere, I still had to put in some feeble efforts. The way criminals do, even after knowing they are guilty, they still plead their innocence, in the hopes of receiving some mercy. Even when there are zero hopes.

Perhaps, if I tried, I could get some too.

"Daniel-" I took in a trembling breath and tried to sort the right words. My throat was drying up against me and I could feel my eyes heating up with hot tears at both their edges. "About the expired products, I-"

"No. Shhhh-" He prevented me from speaking another word by placing his hand on my mouth gently.

He probably had no idea what he was doing, but the moment his hand touched my face, the tears rolled down, as if they received the cue they were waiting for. It took them no time to wet my face and his hand.

"Easter, you-" he sighed and moved both his hands on my cheeks to wipe the tears off. "Listen, you- um." He exhaled. "You know what? Just-"

"No- no, Dan, wait." I held both his hands off my face. "I want to. I want to talk about it. I wanna say it, but, I just don't know how to, I don't know what to say, it's just so difficult. I'm-" The tears didn't stop even after he wiped them off. They kept falling out with each word I said and stupid hiccups kept blocking my phrases.

"You are? Say it, I won't stop you."

"I'm just-" I sucked in another cold breath. I don't know what came over me in that moment of looking into his eyes, but all I know is that I thrashed my head on his chest and my sobbing grew louder as I stopped all attempts of hiding it. "I'm sorry Daniel. I'm so sorry."