What If He Didn't Die?

Chapter 22: Nothing and Everything

Bella doesn't leave my room until she is sure I am fine and sane enough to be left alone. Although she doesn't go home, she just moves to the empty room next to mine which she usually uses when she stays over. It is practically her room, she has been using it since we were kids.

Once left alone in my huge room, my mind starts doing what it always does. It plays a recap of every unexpected thing that has happened in my life today and in the past week.

I feel like going directly to the people of three towns who snitched me and beating them up to pulp for giving me away, instead of doing the right thing. But, of course, considering the shock-ridden state of my family, which includes Bella, I wipe the thought off.

Accepting the harsh fact that the cops are not going to help me and the missing report I filled has just been a waste of time, I decide for myself that I have to think of another way to find Dan and reach him.

I strongly wish from the depths of my heart that he sends me a hint. About his location, his state, his plans, anything. I just want one hint so it becomes easier for me to reach him.

But how do I even tell him to give me a hint? I cannot tell him anything. Nothing at all. I can only wait and wish his message comes to me sooner.

I flip my phone in my hand to check what made it buzz. Of course, a part of me hopes to see that notification saying 'Yours' in bold and italic letters, although another part of me tells me that miracles don't happen in real life. At least not on the worst days of your life.

The phone screen flashes brightly contrasting the darkness of my room. In the centre of it is a notification. A message from Bella.

Bells
Good night.
Don't stay up too late.

I smile at it beamingly before keeping it back on the nightstand. Taking a deep breath, I rub my eyes deeply to shake off the vivid snapshots of the day from my retina and push myself off my bed to get freshen up for bed.

The tap water feels eminently refreshing as I splash my face ruthlessly. I stretch my strained back and look into the mirror to find a teenage girl with dark hairs that were once frightfully gorgeous as they swayed in all directions carelessly, but are now tied into a messy low pony, looking back at me. A face that was once crowded by beautiful freckles but is now populated by stress lines and fatigue for anyone to guess there ever were any freckles on those colourless cheeks at all.

As I continue to study my accusing reflection, my weary face of soon turns into my mother's reddening one. Her skin mourning the loss of its natural glow. The whites of her eyes are unusually bloodshot as she wears an expression that doesn't suit her face, a face that is only ever used to only happiness.

The sight stings my lungs but before I can do something about it her sore face is replaced by my father's stiff one. His skin tightening at all the wrong angles making him look gravely disappointed and old. The man who I always wanted to be proud of me now staring right back into my eyes with nothing but utter shame.

But before I can say anything to him, he's gone to let Eric pierce his hopeless eyes into my dead ones. The most cheerful boy I'd ever known and that I'd ever imagined to know, now wearing a face that looks completely alien to happiness. His angular hairs that always stayed exactly where they should without him even trying, now falling vaguely on his frowned forehead, not understanding which direction to point.

Eric leaves me as I hold myself solely responsible for changing him into this unknown gloomy person, and I witness Bella appearing exactly where he was. Bella, with her beautiful skin and perfect auburn hair smiling at me from the mirror, gives me a hint of relief. As soon as the ends of my lips start to curve, her smile dies into a teary face. Her lips look terribly tired of smiling and her eyes look away from mine as I search them for something I long to find.