Chapter 36: HE IS NOT DEAD!

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I wake up with a rapidly beating heart, the reason of which is the sudden clank that woke me up in the first place. I hang my head out of my bed to check on the damage.

I take in a deep breath of relief when I discover it is fine, that too after a long and careful inspection. Even the thought of breaking my phone is gut wrecking for me, and that is probably why I am carrying a deadly headache.

I place the phone back on my nightstand, ignoring completely the diary that is still lying on the floor, thanks to my abrupt attempts on turning off my phone alarm. With a throbbing pain in my head and a heavy set of sleep-deprived eyes, I decide to have a quick morning shower.

The events from the previous day flash once again in front of my eyes as I step in my bathtub filled with cold water, giving me another suggested reason for the headache.

How and why Jack came to know about my trip to the cops, is still skipping my understanding.

My skin sends alarms throughout my body at the sudden change of temperature. Maybe, the temperature wasn't compatible, or perhaps, the entire idea of having a cold shower was not right. Either way, I regret it. The water pierces my skin like a blade, and the cutting sensation distracts me from the headache for a moment there.

But it takes astonishingly no time for my body to adjust to it and the water soon starts to feel better. Making the headache dominate my senses once again.

The scanty amount of sleep adds to the list of causes as well. I sigh in realisation and slip lower in the water so that only my face is left dry. The feels of water reeking into the roots of my hair make me want more. Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath before drowning myself completely.

I open my eyes to find myself in a completely different dimension, away from the world. Away from my life. Away from the mess.

Mess seems to be the perfect word to describe my life. In fact, to describe me entirely. Nothing seems to work as it should. Everything seems to land erratically out of line. I am supposed to be finding my way to Dan, and I am trying. But no one was ever supposed to know. I was supposed to do it alone. Because I know, the maximum anyone can do is make it more difficult. And that's what they're all going to do now.

Cause problems.

Eric, Bella, Mom, Dad, everyone. And now, even Jack and Hannah.

It's as if they're all lining up one after the other to stop me from meeting him. And that makes sense, they never wanted me to be with him in the first place. Except for Bella. But I don't see what's gotten into her.

Why is she too making problems for me when she knows how difficult this already is?

Why can't they all just leave me alone so I can go to him?

The water is soon filled with questions and tension, pushing all the oxygen out. The suffocation becomes deadly and I'm forced to come back to my painful mess.

I push my head out of the water and suck in a desperate breath of life. With a determined mind, I try to shake all the vague thoughts and focus on what is needed to be done.

Finding Dan.

"What are you-"

"Oh, I'm so sorry East. I just-" Eric turns around hastily as I push myself back in the bathroom tugging tightly on the towel that's wrapped around me.

"I- I just came to check on you. H- how are you?" He stutters nervously still facing his back to me.

"Yeah okay, um. Can we talk about this later? I really need to-"

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