Santa Fe Billionaire

Chapter 49

Ava

I've had a shower and mulling over my pep talk from Zoe. I've changed into my favorite sleep shorts and vest top. They're yellow with white cotton trim and the softest fabric against my skin. My long dark hair is now in a top knot. I've thrown myself on my over-sized furry bean bag, the palest blush pink color that sits in a corner of my room in our apartment. I've created this space as my reading nook and I adore it. I'm so in love with my books, they bring me comfort as I look at the spines, run my hands along them and take the odd one off the shelf and sniff it. 

Along the top of my room are fairy lights which sparkle but nothing like the sea when the sun shone down on it in Malaga.  I sigh heavily. My heart lurches. I have managed not to cry for nearly an hour. A record since this morning. Are we even still in the same day? It seems to have been the longest day on record. I wonder what Sebastian is doing right now. I calculate the time, it's now nearing eight in the evening here in Chicago. That would make it three a.m for him in Spain. My longing for his arms is fierce, my craving for his touch is physically painful. 

There isn't much of a view from my window in my bedroom, Zoe has the best view of the city. To be fair Zoe was here first. Originally she rented the apartment then when Mark and I split, she offered to sub-let a room to me. The apartment isn't huge but it's not pokey either. We have a bedroom each with our own private bathroom, a large square lounge that sits in the middle of the apartment. A door leads to the bedroom areas and a separate bathroom. On the opposite side of the lounge is another door that leads to a small hallway where a kitchen/diner dominates the space. From there we have a small box room that we use as a shared office. Not that Zoe uses it a lot, she has her salon and does all her admin whilst at work. 

Mainly I utilize the space. We furnished it with a white distressed painted table and matching chair. My mom covered it for me with a pretty bluebell fabric and made me a bean bag for the study too, in the same fabric. I have a thing about bean bags, they're just so damn comfortable and I love to throw myself down in the office and just look at all the pictures I have taken over the years. I've not touched my camera since I've been back. I know that if I do, I'll cry and keel over with pain when I see Sebastian's face and his amazing body. He's a ten but those sexy tattoos and his forearms they just drive me insane and make me wild. I became a different person to the person I've known for the last twenty-three years. Am I shocked he brought out a wild and abandoned side to me? No, I'm grateful that he released something in me that I never knew existed. And I'm sad too in some way that it took a man across the ocean to discover me and help me discover myself.

I've only been away from home for ten days but I feel like I've grown up. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am a woman. Sebastian is the one who gave me this gift and no matter what happens now, I'll always be grateful to him for helping me grow up. For helping me release my inner-self, for the confidence he has given me. I choke back the tears that start again. I've vowed not to cry for the rest of the night.

Instead I pick up my book, it's a Lucy Score novel but I'm thinking that it'll probably just set me off reading all about love, romance and smut. It will only serve to remind me of what I just walked away from. I hear a gentle knock on my door. 

"Hey how you feeling honey?" Zoe appears now dressed in smart white, high-waisted trousers and a floaty orange top tucked in. Her hair is styled and she looks like she may be going out. "We're going out for a bite to eat. I was going to ask if you felt like joining us." 

"I'm good thanks, Zoe. I don't feel much like eating and I can't face going out. I'm going to sit and read then crash. It's been an over long day to be honest."

"Okay but you do need to eat something sweetie. You'll feel even worse tomorrow if you don't. Promise me you'll grab something. There is lasagna in the fridge that I made yesterday. It'll still be good." 

"Thanks Zoe. I promise. In a bit." I know I look forlorn. 

"We won't be out too late. Nate has invited me to his parents for lunch tomorrow and I don't want to turn up to Sunday lunch with a hangover. I'm nervous. It's my first meeting with his parents. I hope they like me." She looks a bit terrified at the prospect.

"They are going to love you, Zoe. You're just that type of girl. Everyone loves you. You'll be absolutely fine." I smile at her even though I don't feel like smiling at all.

"I hope so. By the way have you messaged him yet. I know it'll be an ungodly hour for him but babes, I am sure he's waiting for you to message him. You know you only get once chance and from what you've told me, he's serious about you."

"I haven't messaged him yet. I just don't know what to say. I feel like such an idiot. Why couldn't I have just checked into another hotel and calmed down?" I glance down.

"Tell him how you feel. Tell him the truth. That's all you need to do. He'll understand, I'm sure of that."

"Are you ready, Zoe. We'll be late. Table's booked for twenty minutes from now." I hear Nate's deep voice from somewhere in the hallway. 

"Yeah sure. Give me a minute. Be right with you." Zoe smiles, I can see in her eyes that she's got it bad for the doctor. And who can blame her. She's fancied Nate ever since he moved here a couple of years ago and now she's the one dating him. Of all the girls in this town who have hankered after him, chased him mercilessly our Zoe has bagged him and I couldn't be happier for her, even though my own heart is broken and shattered. 

"Go on. Don't keep him waiting." I say and wave her away with my right hand. "I'm a big girl. I'll message Sebastian now. You're right I will just tell him how I feel. And you know maybe he's going to forgive me for being such an idiot when all he wanted to do was explain what was going on." 

Zoe steps into my room and bends down so our faces are at the same level. She hugs me to her and kisses me on my right cheek. "It's going to be alright babe. Trust me. I'll see you in the morning. Get some food, read and then sleep. It'll all look different in the morning." I nod and hug my book closer to me. 

The door closes softly behind her as she leaves my room. I scrunch myself further down into my beanbag and reach for my mobile that is laying beside me on the floor and begin to type away.

Hi

No response. What do I expect? It's like three thirty a.m there now. 

I wanted to say I'm so sorry for running out on you like that and not giving you the chance to explain. I'm sorry for not listening and ignoring you at the airport. Please call me when you wake up.  I know that Sebastian will wake at five a.m it's the time he always wakes. It'll still only be ten p.m my time and it is very doubtful that I'll get much sleep in tonight in any case.

I hesitate. It's time I let him know just how I feel because the loss of him by my side is too much to take. I want us to fix this. I need to fix this and I don't want to leave any doubt in his mind how I feel about him. He opened up to me after a decade, he told me that the next woman he slept with, would be the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He chose me. 

I love you, Sebastian xxx