Santa Fe Billionaire

Chapter 69

Ava

I know I look shocked and have made some kind of guttural sound, it has caused a few people to look at me. Great. Only I cannot believe what I have just read. I am struggling to digest it as my emotions range from hurt to angry then back to feeling like someone has cut my stomach with a knife. It's raw and it's painful.

I read Sebastian's next message.

Say something mi carina.

What is there to say, Sebastian? It's not like anything I say right now is going to change anything. I'm just hurt and sad. So many things all at once. What do I do, stay here? I can't deal with this right now. I just can't. Sorry xxx

I end the message and just place the phone in my small bag. I cannot handle anything right now and it seems like everything is stacked against me and it's yet another perfect day that feels like it's had the bottom sucked out of it. It's supposed to be the happiest day of my life, well at least one of them. I've just signed a three book deal with my agent, I'm in New York with time on my hands to see the sights I haven't seen before and I was expecting to fly back to Sebastian and Spain in just three weeks' time.

Now I feel like I'm back to square one with him. I honestly don't know what to think other than the fact that I actually feel numb. Nobody likes rejection but that's what has happened. My face is stinging as if it's been slapped hard. At least I haven't broken down into tears, not her inside bloody Trump Tower. Could you imagine? I reach for my portfolio down beside my chair, leave some notes on the table, more than enough to cover my meagre salad lunch and a coffee and make my way to the stairs to get outside and get some air.

It's busy outside, people are looking up at the tall building and taking photographs. I'm sure there is a statistic somewhere about which city is the most photographed in the world. At a guess, I would say New York City is high up there along with somewhere like Tokyo.

Do I want to cry? Yes.

Do I want to scream? Yes

Do I want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum and clutch my stomach because it physically fucking hearts? Yes. Yes and yes again.

Instead, I am just gaping at people milling around me and momentarily feel lost and disorientated. I have to find somewhere that I can call Zoe, somewhere that isn't quite the tourist trap. I'm not supposed to by flying home from New York until tomorrow late afternoon. I'd allowed for sufficient time to spend time here being a tourist and taking more pictures for one of my forthcoming book projects only now. Well now I feel like getting in a big yellow taxi and heading straight for JFK and hopping on the next flight back to Chicago.

Is this becoming some kind of routine? It looks that way, right?! I have to calm down, I have to get a grip of myself. This is not the end of the world. Okay, so telling myself that hasn't made me feel any calmer or reasonable. I take several deep breaths and cross the street and just as if on auto-pilot continue walking down towards my original destination for today, The Empire State building.

What are my options?

1. Go back to the hotel and cry

2. Go to the airport fly home and cry

3. Take it on the chin and grow up a bit

4. Call Sebastian back and apologize for acting like a child

5. Get on a flight to Spain as planned in three weeks and the hell with it.

Out of those five options 1 and 2 would be ridiculous. I'm here now and if I stay and focus on the photos for my project then at least I am being productive. I continue to take deep breaths wondering how anyone could point blank reject me like this. Only they have and it's a bitter blow.