Accidentally Hurting You✓

Hunter

I woke up this morning feeling terrible as usual. I had barely slept a wink and my mood only got worse when I realized that I wasn't alone.

Renee, my closest female friend, was heading over to my bathroom, probably about to take a shower.

I sighed and rolled over onto my stomach, pushing my face into my pillow.

She comes over a lot but not for the reason everyone thinks. Everyone thinks she is the girl that I do the most, but honestly, it's not like that. We're just friends.

She's a lesbian. The only reason she comes over is so that people don't suspect that she is gay. Coming to me is apparently how people distinguish whether you are lesbian or not.

We don't even do anything like what I do with other girls. Sure, we dated for a while, but she had told me that she thinks she needed to find herself. We both found out that she was gay and she had been scared; she had no clue what to do.

So, we broke up when she found out and she started liking this girl from our school named Hannah. Too bad Hannah is one hundred percent straight. Anyway, whenever she comes over, we have game nights or watch movies.

Take last night for example. We had played Halo Reach until we got hungry. We agreed on ordering Chinese food and as we waited we talked.

Our talk is the reason why I don't want her to be here right now. After I had met up with Amelia yesterday, I called Renee's friend to be my hookup for the night.

Instead of her friend answering, Renee answered the phone saying that she was holding her phone for her friend. Renee could see through my flirtatious tone and knew I was upset so she came to my house.

So we ended up talking and she eventually got my feelings that I felt about Amelia out of me.

I told her that when I saw her in that treehouse, looking more scared than I had ever seen her, I knew that I could never take advantage of her like that. I know that I've hurt her by not telling her my feelings and leading her on, but taking something as big as her virginity is way worse.

I told Renee that I'd rather Amelia's virginity be taken by someone she loves and who loves her back.

I even told her my deepest feelings. I am too scared of commitment. I know how it feels when you feel like you've lost everything. I didn't want to tell Amelia that I would only commit myself to her and then not be able to do it. I had tried it before and failed.

After I spilled out my feelings to Renee, she had just smiled, shook her head, and whistled.

"Dang Hunter. You my friend are whipped." She then told me that maybe the reason I hadn't stayed committed to the other girl before was because I didn't really love her.

I thought it over and I guess it made sense, but I still didn't want to risk it with Amelia. I know I am hurting her now, but it'd be way worse if I actually promised her my heart and broke that promise.

A sudden shift in the bed caused me to pull my face off of my pillow and look to my left.

Renee was sitting there, smiling down at me.

"Good morning." She whispered, ruffling my hair slightly. I sighed and responded.

"Morning Renee." I sat up and rubbed my eyes, fully waking up. She smiled and got off of the bed, heading out of my bedroom.

Right before she reached the door, she called out over her shoulder.

"I'm making breakfast! I'm thinking a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant sandwich. Oooh and some hash browns!" With that, she walked out of my bedroom, leaving me to get dressed.