Living with the Collins

• S I X T E E N •

• T E A R S •

Walking out the room, slamming the door shut. I run down the stairs, grabbing my gun from my waist band. I walk past Caden and Carter. Walking down the stairs, I straight away see john tied to a chair. James standing there with a smirk on his face.

Jace struggling against the two of James people. Foot steps were heard behind me. "What the-" Carter voice came form behind me.

"Why'd you do it?" I ask him walking forward slightly. "Why'd you do it James?" I shout at him, angry and sad tears in my eyes, waiting to fall out.

"Your saw it" he breaths out. "Yeah I saw it, I saw everything" I whisper to him. A tear rolls down my cheek. "Un tie him" he commands his men as they untie John and pass him to Carter and Caden.

"Your a fucking monster" I scream at him. "What did you see?" Jace asks, I turn to him with tears running down my cheeks, "it's all his fault Jace, he killed them" I said pointing at James, "he's been fucking stalking me, watching my every move. It's his fucking fault there not here not today Jace. He killed them all" I shout, I was feeling all soft of emotion running through me but mainly anger and sadness.

Jace's face falls, James men let go of Jace. He gulps and looks at me he opens his mouth then closes it again. I shake my head and turn to James. I quickly grab my gun and point it at James.

"Sophia don't do this, your not in the right mind" Jace's voice says behind me. "He ruined my life Jace. He took everything from me. He's ruined me" I scream. "This is what he what's, for you to break" Jace quickly takes the gun out my hand as his words register in my mind.

He wants me to break. I shake my head and look up at James, "stay the fuck away from me, or else next time I will kill you with out a second thought. I will ruin you James" I say my jaw clenched.

He starts laughing, "are you threatening me?" He asks, I shake my head, "you should know by now James, I don't make threats, I make promises" I emotionally say walking out.

My life is a mess.

A big fucking mess.

Walking out the door as the cold air hits my face. The sun is setting. My eyes land on the tree. The one me and Jake carved our names into.

Walking towards the giant tree. I run my hand along mine and Jake initials. It seems like only yesterday when he promised me. Promised me he would never ever leave me. He would be by my side when I hurt myself. When a boy breaks my heart.

But he's not here he broke his promise. I heard footsteps behind me, "he broke his promise" I whisper, "he not here, he left me alone, he gone" tears fall on my cheek.

"It's okay" Jace's soft voice says, is shake my head stepping back, "it's not gonna be okay" I tell him facing him. "They all say it will be okay, when it never does. I don't think I will ever be okay. I lost the most important people in my life Jace, I lost them all" my voice rising tears falling non stop.

"There all gone, all of them, I'm alone have, I feel alone. I feel like I have no one left" I whisper and he shakes his head, "you have me."

"For how long Jace, how long do I have you with me" I shout, "you have to live your life Jace. This pain I feel is never going to end, it's always going to be there. Theres never going to be a day when I don't cry."

"Sometimes I just want to curl up in my bed and never wake up again, never have to worry about facing the world again. It's too much" I say, "there's a constant war going on I my head every single fucking day."

"It will go away Sophia, trust me. Let someone in, tell them, tell me how you feel" Jace's shakes my shoulders, "Your a strong girl Sophia, if you can wake up every morning, with a smile on your face, whether it's fake or real, it still makes you strong. Because you try, you try to be happy" he shouts.

"Don't give up, not yet, not ever. I'm always gonna be there whenever you need me. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. Please Sophia, don't bottle your emotions up, let it all out, your hurting yourself more than you think" he finished a frown on his perfect face.

He wants me to let everything out, but it's not that easy. I shake my head, "I want to go home" I say with no emotion, he sighs and nods.

I might not be great at letting my emotions out but I can definitely close them off. Get rid of them for a while. It feels great not to feel anything, to feel numb.

Sometimes it's great but most of the times it's absolute rubbish, because you feel alone. You feel trapped. It's like your screaming but no one can hear you.

Your asking for help but no ones helping. Everyone says it's gonna be okay, but maybe something's aren't meant for being okay. Because sometimes not everyone can be okay.

We all break and feel weak and vulnerable at time but right now I don't want to feel weak or vulnerable. I don't want someone to look at me with pity or sympathy.

I want to be a normal teenager. One who has a normal life. One who can study and learn. One who can love and be free.

But I guess that's just not me.

"Are you okay?" Caden ask as I sit in the car next to Jace. I shake my head.

"I don't think I will ever be okay" my voice comes out in a whisper.

***

Is it just me who like to listen to sad songs while writing a real sad ass chapter to get in the mood.

I honestly think I even teared up writing this chapter. I had the song which is up above on repeat while writing this.

For those of you think she is over exaggerating or crying to much you have to understand that she lost her family not even a week ago. So be PREPARED for more sad and cry worthy chapters

Sorry for any mistakes in this chapter. I did proof read it but there might be some mistakes I missed out. I don't mind if you politely point them out.

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