Something Great.

Chapter 21 - What Now?

***songs for this chapter***

towers - little mix

amnesia - 5 seconds of summer

sunburn - ed sheeran

The pain is unbearable. Liam hasn't talked to me since that monday night. That's all I can think about, the way he used to hold me, the fraction of time we had together, was small, but we loved each other. I may only be 14 but damn, I sure knew that what I'm feeling, sucks. All I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep.

We haven't talked for a couple weeks, so now it's the end of Feburary, that means my surgery will be in a month. The only good thing I can think of that will come out of this, besides my new and improved posture, will be not being at school, having to face Liam.

It sounds ridiculous how heartbroken I am, but I really feel it. I haven't stopped crying since that night, I manage to some how hold it in at school. In band class Liam will crack a few jokes with his friends and they all sit beside me because we're the same instrument, and I notice Liam looking at me sometimes. The other day I glanced at him, only to see him staring at me, I immediately looked away, if I looked at him for more than 5 seconds I thought I would burst. I had to leave in the middle of class, barely making it to the door before I erupted into uncontrollable sobs. I had to walk into the main building to get to the nearest restroom, some how avoiding attention from people lurking around the halls.

I let out sobs as soon as I got into the bathroom, not even caring if anybody was in there. I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from wheezing. Thank goodness I chose not to wear make up that day. Now that I think about it, I haven't worn makeup in the last couple weeks, I haven't really tried with my appearance for school anymore, my outfits mainly consisting of sweatpants or jeans and sweatshirts and the same pair of black converse that I've worn countless times. I always slept in as much as I could before school, basically leaving me no time to make myself look pretty, I just don't really care anymore. I'll be out of here soon enough anyway.

Thinking about how Liam is kind of popular, only makes me want to crumble more. He has a lot of friends, I have a handful of friends too, but he has way more. That means I see and hear of him a lot, and it always hurt to hear his name, or see his face.

Sometimes in band class he'd make a couple jokes or a comment and he would want me to hear because he'd look at me, and I would just look down at his feet, mentally preparing for myself to look at his face, then look at him for a short amount of time, then look down at my feet, which is what I basically do in school now. It's just another place to stare blankly at walls and ignore people.

But today is friday, and I am finally home from another long day of school and a bunch of my friends and I were planning on going out to this new ice cream place downtown. Nicki was going to be there, we're really good friends now actually.

Did I really feel like going out? No, not at all, but all I've done these past couple weeks is sit on my ass and sleep. Maybe this will help me feel better, I haven't genuinely laughed since Liam rode the bus home with me on Valentine's day. Hopefully my friends can do that for me.

We were planning on going around 6:30, and I wanted to get another shower before I left. I took a shower and decided maybe I'll try looking nice for my friends, I'm sure they don't care, but I haven't dressed up in a while so I should do it.

The weather was starting to warm up a little, but it'll probably get a little chilly outside as the night draws in. I slip on a pair of black leggings with a muscle shirt advertising one of my favorite bands, Imagine Dragons, and I tie a flannel around my waist for when it'll get cold. For the first time in a long time, I do my makeup, finishing off my powder then move on to my eyes and do that whole routine.