Chapter 28 - What's Sunlight?

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***songs for this chapter***
• bloodstream - Ed sheeran
• happy endings are stories that haven't ended - mayday parade
• I'm low on gas and you need a jacket - pierce the veil

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I woke up the next morning, the pain is evident but not as horrible. I'm sitting in the chair, Jen sitting on my bed and my parents sitting on another set chairs beside the door.

"In case you were up for it, the TV has a dvd player and Wii system hooked up to it, and they let us choose a couple games and movies, so I picked some that I thought you'd like."

That was so freaking nice of Jen I'm really in the mood to watch a movie, or sleep for 72 more hours. Both of those sound nice actually. "Thanks Jen."

I attempt a smile. I'm in so much pain I don't want to do anything. I speak too soon when two young looking nurses barge into my room, smiles plastered on their faces. They scared me a little. "Hey Ellie! How you feeling?"

"I've had better days." They laughed, I smiled and tried not to seem like a complete bitch but I was being serious, this day was not my favorite, this year is not my favorite.

"Alright, you want to try walking around, just for a little bit?"

"Might as well." This is going to hurt.

Last night before I went to sleep I was able to lift myself out of my chair, it took some time, but I did it, so I did it again this time, it being a little quicker. Both nurses held on to me as we walked around the children's wing, the wing is basically a big circle with some offices in the middle. We walk around once, the whole time I had to hang on to the handlebars, at some parts I have to stop and take a breather.

These damn nurses aren't even paying attention to me they're talking to other fucking nurses.

"Hey nurse ladies can you like help me out a little I'm trying not to fall?" I try to say in the nicest way possible.

"Oh sorry honey, and we're not nurses, we're physical therapists." Oh, okay. My mother came with us. I could tell she just wanted to scream at both of them.

The rest of this hospital stay I can tell won't be that fun.

***Liam's POV***

I can barely get myself out of bed, this is how it is every morning, I struggle to even open my eyes, but then I always end up falling back asleep. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to face the world. My world is Ellie and she's not even here anymore.

I slowly get myself out of bed and drag my curtains apart, I'm blinded by the sun, so I immediately close the curtains. I go to the bathroom, I take a good look at myself and what I have become. Pathetic and lonely. All my life has been a series of misfortunes and El was the only good thing to happen to me, so of course I fuck it all up. I miss her.

I rolled up my sleeves to wash my hands and notice all my cuts. There's so many, it's actually pretty disgusting to look at. To think I've had this many bad nights, misfortunes, regrets. There's too many to count and this is how I take it out on myself. I know it's not healthy or good at all whatsoever but everything else I'm doing is bad, there's no going back. The only thing that can stop this overwhelming sadness is her and it's gone now. Sometimes I think about our memories and I laugh and smile at the though of her and what we used to be, but then I'm sad again because I don't have it anymore.

I strip and start taking a shower and feel the warm water burn my wrists. It's honestly a comforting feeling, pain. I've been through so much pain in my life that when there's happiness I don't know how to handle it, it's like learning a new language, you're so accustomed to something you've faced your whole life so when something new pops up you don't understand.

Now I'm sitting in my rumble of a mess, watching my life fall apart at the seams and not even trying to fix it.

But what's the point anymore?

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okay hi guys! yes I know it's been like a month but school has literally been taking over my life ok so yeah that sucks and I know this is a short chapter but I have a lot more to write and ALSO N O I don't support self harm whatsoever I think it's a horrible thing and wish it wasn't a thing just in case you were wondering so I'm sorry if I offended anyone. okay please vote and keep reading and recommend this story to people if you like it and thank you I love you guys!!

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