Fate of Existence | Book 1 ✔️

Chapter 33

"Love is weakness." 

I sigh out loud at this as the old man goes on to speak. "As long as you have something to cherish you'll always have weakness."  I nod my head like I'm paying attention until he purposely drops the book he was reading onto the table causing me to look at him.

"But a little weakness isn't so bad."

"Why are you telling me this bullshit for? I told you I'm fine. The more you bring it up the less convinced I am that you've come to terms with it." I say completely annoyed at this point. I'm so tired of the condolesences and the pats of sympathy or those looks of pity. Him doing this every month is only making it worse and harder for me.

I'm coping. Why won't everyone just drop it already?

"When I said to harden yourself, I did not mean for you to become jaded, cold, and distant." 

"Jaded? Is that really the word you want to use?" I'm more than jaded at this point. 

"The point I'm trying to make here is that I feel like. . .you've regressed."

"What the hell did Ashton say to you this time? Or was it Ophelia? I don't need a babysitter or a nanny monitoring me every single fucking day. I'm past the "suicidal" period don't you think? I'm fine. They're just annoying to be around." Treating me like a child. I scoff and turn my head away from him.

"Lance. . ." 

My eyes narrow in contempt as I feel another lecture about to come on. He lets out a sigh and decides to sit down right across from me. "Why won't you go see Michael?"

"I hate pack hospitals. Everyone knows that. It's not like I don't want to go. . ."

"You're seal has spread to your back and none of us know why. It may be hazardous to your health. I insist that you go get checked out immediately."

"Old Ma-"

"No. We will not be making this into an argument." I scoff and huff out until I feel his hand hit the side of my head with a dull thud. "Don't huff at me. You find me exhausting? No, I find you exhausting." I roll my eyes which only leads to a hard kick to my leg causing me to hiss out and simmer down an oncoming glare.

He long since stopped babying me and through the months he has been treating me more and more like his son which I'm beginning to think isn't necessarily a good thing. I've never been hit in my entire life up until now. 

"Dicipline and Patience. That's what I need when it comes to you. Go and get a physical or do I have to make Ashton accompany you there?"

"I'm going." I mumble out lowly as I rub my leg that's now beginning to pulse with pain. He should know that my wolf has been completely lost to me since I left my pack, so I don't heal very fast or take pain easily any longer. I get cold and I can even get sick. 

To be honest, I feel more sorry for my wolf than myself. She had loved him since I first laid eyes on him. Despite pack differences, despite the lies and the rejections and all the pain he has ever caused us to feel. . .she loved him. But I loved him just as much. Unlike her, I cannot just hide in the darkest recesses of my mind. I have to face reality. She doesn't. It'll only prolong the hurt. . .

I get up and make my way out the door not bothering to make eye contact with him. He's worried about me. I get that. I know he cares a lot about me, but sometimes I just want to be left alone. I just need to cry sometimes and be by myself for awhile. It's the only way I know how to deal with this. . .this empty, hollow feeling. 

As soon as make the long, cold walk to the pack hospital I see Michael eyeing me with the same kind of pitiful look everyone else has been giving me since I got here. I don't want to be here, nonetheless my own pack. I just need to go somewhere far away, completely uknown to me or to anyone else. "Hey Lance. . ."