Anticipation of the Worst

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I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It will give you some insight to what Alex was dealing with when Gen and all of them were gone.


"You know what I'm not going to apologize for caring." Alex exclaims to me.

"Alex, it's been a long day, and..."

"No, you will listen to me." Alex pulls me into a supply closet. "I am your damn freaking person. Your damn person and...I have the right to care when you're not alright. And you're not alright Gen. You need help and I won't always be here to help you."

"I'm not asking you to." I fire back at him.

"No, but that's what a person does for their person. I...I wanted to die when I heard what happened to you and Mark. What you two had to go through. It was gutwrenching holding Theo as he cried for his parents. I had to be strong for him when all I wanted was to scream and cry. You're my only family and...you were almost taken from me."  Alex lets out a big sigh hitting his hand on the wall. "You almost freakin left me! So you don't get to be upset that I'm moving on. I...I will always be your person but...this is something I have to do for myself."

"And I want nothing but the best for you. I really do but...I've always had you. You always know what I'm thinking before I know it myself. You help me work through things with Mark and...you're always there for me. I know when you leave for Maryland it will be different and I...I got so used to everything being the same. Us being a tight-knit family and it's...I'm going to miss you." I cry and Alex brings me in for a hug.

"I'll always come back. Because you're my home. You make me feel like everything's going to be okay." He whispers in my ear.

"I...I know I need help. I know it and...Mark knows it but...it's hard to take care of yourself when you're worried about everyone else. I...Cristina freaking left us for Minnesota and...Arizona and Callie are fighting all the time. You and Mer are the only stability I have in my life."

"I might not leave."

"What?" I ask him in disbelief.

"I met the new peds attending and he's...he's going to move the Africa program to UCLA. I...I can't let that happen."

"Don't give up Hopkins for that. I will make sure the Africa program stays here. I..."

"Maybe I don't want Hopkins." Alex blurts out.

"How can you not want Hopkins? That's all you've been talking about."

"Because I felt like I had to prove something. That I could do something on my own that...I've made it. But I'm realizing that...Hopkins may not be the answer for me. I love it here because of everything it offers. It's the family, friends, and the life I've built for myself that is keeping me here. I...I want to stay."

"We're still family even if you're not here Alex. We'll always be there for one another. I...I don't want you to give up Hopkins for..."

"It's not giving up. I could always try and apply there again later. But...I don't want to regret leaving too early."

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that all your shit is in my house still?" I tease him and he laughs.

"Uh yeah, that was kind of a realization for me."

"I have a mythical nickname that I share with Mer." I admit to Alex and he raises his brow at me.

"Really?" I nod my head.

"I put fear into my interns and instead I want to inspire them. I...I want to find that joy in medicine again and...but I need to find joy in myself."

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