Love UnHeard || SeongJoong [Ateez]

[Part Z] 1. Dear Diary.

Wellcome to the 3rd part of Love UnHeard!

Sunday 9 of January, 2021

Dear Diary...

uhhh... No. I don't like that entrance anymore. Since Yunho and Mingi took you I think it's I'm going to start a new format of writing on you, so I should change the greetings...

How about "What's up y'all?" NO, I hate that.

"Hi Diary"? No, too simple.

"Hey, Seonghwa here again today!" Absolutely disgusting. What am I? A Youtuber?

Well, we'll work that greeting as time passes. Now I wanted to write here to tell you something.

You know what happened on Friday, when Mingi, San, Yunho and Wooyoung apologized to us. Well, something else happened that day.

I already knew, and told Yeosang, but something about his eyes that day made fall even deeper.

The thing I'm trying to say is: I really like Kim Hongjoong. No cap.

This is nothing new. I already liked him the first time we met, even though he pushed me and insulted me(thing San told me after), for some reason I found it attractive. He hated me and my friends with such an enthusiast. that made me want to get him to like me.

I did nothing, of course, because I'm insecure but we all knew that too, didn't we?

How could I, a calm and shy guy, make friends with such a powerful person? That's what I thought.

Back then, I had developed a small crush on him, a really tiny one, really really tiny one, I swear (who am I lying to?). I wanted to know why he was so mad at the world, how he faced it in such optimistic anger.

I saw him go from place to place with his used skate, he loved to smoke alone at a specific bench at the University Park late at night. I could see him perfectly from my window.

One night I grew worried when he didn't appear on his usual spot. I got nervous, but my bell lighted up. He was there, to apologize to me (that I knew, I knew it so well.)

Days before this, he followed my friends and me to the coffee-game shop and gave San a letter. He ripped it in front of him, just to destroy Hongjoong's strong heart. I got mad at him after, knowing he did it to 'protect' me when I needed no protection. But San knew too, he's not dumb and we know each other for too long.

He kept the letter and gave it to me when we were back at the dorm. I still have it, I'll stick it on this page.

---

Hey, it's Hongjoong... The guy who was mean to you at the cafeteria like three weeks ago or so.

I'm writing this to let you know that I'm deeply sorry. I acted like an asshole. I was jealous of you and that day wasn't my best either, tons of things happened before the incident.

I also want to say sorry to your friends and all that stuff. To be honest, one of them (Yeosang I think) told me your names, but I can't remember them at all... Sorry for this too.

I don't have any friends here and the mess I created doesn't help either. I hope there's a way to make it up to you and maybe we could be friends. JUST IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU!

But yeah... That's it. I'm sorry again, I need to work on my anger sometime.

Hope to see you around, Kim Hongjoong.

---

I still remember reading this and understanding a little bit more what he was about, not just his rude and strong facade he showed to the rich students in the corridors.

So there he was then, in front of my door doing sign language to apologize to me, again. I looked at him, kind of startled, but he was too cute, like a kid learning to walk, I couldn't help but smile at his inexperienced hands.

I wanted to hug him on the spot when he finished, but I couldn't, I closed the door on his face in panic. Thankfully I was fast enough to react and made it look like if I just went to get my phone. <<Nice save.>> I remember thinking.

I think I gave him my phone number that day?

After that, we somehow got closer, I even asked him to sit with me in class. We enjoyed each other company(or that's what I like to think.) We watched tons of shows, painted together and even got to celebrate his birthday with all our friends.

Those days my crush on him became more like an "I like you feeling" feeling, maybe I started seeing him as a possibility. I even told him I was gay and he was okay with it.

I took my shot and asked him to come to my house for Christmas Eve, which got a little fucked up, but we all know about that! No need to open closed wounds :D.

I always have so much fun with him, his smile makes my days brighter, his eyes are filled with galaxies and his simple presence makes my heart ache... Why am I writing this?

Well, it's my diary and I can write whatever I want. I can rant about how much I like him here, so here I go:

His hands are small, they shout to be held, I've imagined myself taking his hand sooooo many times... His hair looks smooth and fluffy, every time I see it I want to run my hands through it. Shit, I would run my hands all over him; his round cheeks, his soft neck, his sexy chest, his tiny legs and why not saying it (is not like anyone is going to read this), his butt looks amazingly grabbable too.

His smile when he laughed cleared the room, sometimes I would like to be able to hear just to hear him laugh. that's the only noise I want to hear in my entire life. His eye smile warmed my insides and electric shooks travelled my body every time he leaned on me when we're watching anime at my place.

I love teaching him sign language, he was always eager to learn it, his bad-boy image dissipated whenever we were alone. His hands were clumsy at the beginning and he made up signs from time to time, but it just looked cute to me.

His art was just one more thing I liked about him. His work evoked rage on people, the will to fix society in a way, but he also had this soft cartoon style he uses to decorate his clothes. Somehow he is the most bad-ass cutie-pie I've ever met.

What else can be said about him?

FUCK, WE KISSED. I SWEAR, WE KISSED THE OTHER DAY, I'M NOT LYING. I don't know how! We were just talking and he got up and got closer and closer and closer and my inner dominant side said "Hello there." and I TALKED TO HIM AND KISSED HIM. OR HE KISSED ME. OR WE KISSED EACH OTHER. I DON'T KNOEW, I'M PANICKING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!! *crying emoji* *crying emoji*

His lips were so sweet and soft "Taste like strawberries on a Sunday evening." Now I understood the feeling.
He was inexperienced, maybe just nervous, but I loved it.

If I'm being honest, that's the only thing I remember, my mind went foggy after that. It was too much for my little heart.

And finally, we get to today's point. I started writing because I've decided something: I'm gonna tell Hongjoong I like him. I need to, he's just so... UGH!!! (I love that song).

Anyways, moving on, on to the next, so... So that's why I wrote, today's entrance (or whatever this is Mr. Diary), to let you know I'm going to confess to Edgy-Boi.

Not tomorrow tho... or the day after that. I need to build up the courage to do it. Maybe tell Yeosang or ask for help from San, telling Wooyoung would end up in disaster so not telling him any time soon.

In conclusion, I'm almost in love with Joong and I'm a big pussy.

Seonghwa out.