Love UnHeard || SeongJoong [Ateez]

[Part Z] 4. Warm gold.

29 January 2021

"The Kiss" by Klimt. That's a painting I absolutely love. I mean, don't we all? The good strokes and the warm embrace. It looked so soft her so cold--in my eyes.

There are two people in it, but it still looked so lonely in a way. It gives me that feeling because it reminds me of a farewell, like those couples hugging goodbye at the airport.
Somehow it made me feel weird as if the two people there were incomplete without each other.

I don't know If you know where I'm going or what I'm trying to say but... It's just like gold, that looks warm and feels so cold, that provides wealth and steals happiness (or gives it). What I'm mean is that if the painting was a person, it would be Hongjoong.

I never know what goes on in his mind or what he's about to do. His presence feels comfortable and his hugs just like the colours of the artwork; shiny warm gold. But even knowing that my heart fears something, it fears his loneliness, his absence, his sadness. The bright smiles he gave us while his eyes stayed black.

I want to know, I want him to tell me everything. I want him to ask for a hug and I want him to stay, to stay as long as he wishes. That's what I want, to be there for him, always.

I'm not saying he hides things from me, I'm in no way assuming he's not happy. But when he feels down-thing we all feel at some point- I want to be there. To hold him tight and be there for him. So I did.

[Seonghwa, there's a party this weekend, you're coming right?] San asked me the other day. Of course, I said yes, I never miss a party at my ex's. Minho loved throwing parties just because, and I loved going just as much.

We are both different from when we used to date. I'm not as shy (or mean) and he went from a sweet boy to a whole weirdo, in the best way possible. He's funny, outgoing and mysterious all at the same time. And of course, his three cats, that's hadn't changed.

Why do I love partying and killing my kidney every time? I don't know either, but once in a while doesn't hurt.

As the good friend I am, I invited six guys too and that Saturday we were all waiting for Hongjoong at the exit of campus, he was late.

"This bitch always takes the longest," I read Yunho's lips, we all laughed. I turned my head to see if he was coming and I surprised myself when I had Hongjoong two centimetres away from my face looking directly into my soul. I jumped on place and placed a hand over my chest.

[YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!] I quickly signed to him still shocked, then I laughed with the rest. Whatever goes on your head, please don't change it, Joong.

The atmosphere inside the party felt heavy, the smell of alcohol, sweat and smoke all mixed up. I know Hongjoong doesn't drink but I never asked why, instead I just enjoyed the little faces he did.

"Everyone is drunk as fuck, they won't remember my lil dance," he always says, but oh boy, do I remember your lil dances...

"Be careful Hwa Hyung", " Don't overdo it", "Stay in your line" are some of Yeosang's favourite sentences on nights like this. We are best friends, but he honestly detests how I chug glass after glass.

Relax, I know what I do when I drink, I just like laying on the floor and watch life spin.

I sat on the couch, the speakers right next to me. Let me explain something (lol u e my diary you should know but anyways).
I'm not 100% deaf, I can hear very loud noises near me, though, just low frequencies. If a bomb exploded one block away I could notice something :D.

Yunho, Wooyoung and Mingi we're at the dance floor having a freestyle battle against Minho, Felix and Hyunjin.
San flirted with some girl on the kitchen, probably planning on smashing tonight. See what I mean? San doesn't know what he does when he's drunk, I do! I cause no harm.

Meanwhile, Yeosang and Jongho had a normal conversation with a drink each. Maybe saying hi here and there to people they knew.

I sipped from my cup again, a body crushed beside me on the couch, I turned to see who it was; Hongjoong. I remember calling his name that day.

Hongjoong, "The Kiss". That's the first time I about the idea of him reminding me of that painting. The place light was yellowish and it was a little dark. His eyes looked tired but as soon as he turned to lock his gaze with mine they shined bright, like gold.

A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD, THAT'S WHAT HE DESERVES.

[I always know where to find you.] He said with smiley eyes. <<How is he so cute.>> I perfectly remember thinking.

[Can't say the same about you.] I replied. He just shrugged his shoulders. He, strangely, wasn't holding a cigarette with him (thank Gods, he's much more attractive when he isn't smoking!)

[Have you thought about it yet?] He asked out of nowhere, I didn't catch what he was referring to. [Ears.] He signed.

He meant the hearing aids... <<Yes, I had thought about it, yes I wanted, yes I was scared.>> I didn't know how to go say all of that so I just shook my head, taking a sip from my drink. Hongjoong's eyes understood everything, mines explained.

After that, I don't remember much, just some blurry images of Wooyoung on the floor, San making out with someone and Mingi and Jongho having an arm-wrestling tournament.

The next thing I remember is me waking up on a bed that wasn't mine. <<Hongjoong's.>> I thought, but sadly I recognised the place when my vision cleared: Yeosang's room.

My head hurt like a bitch when I sat up in the bed, Yeosang entered as if reading my mind with soup on his hands. Without saying anything he gave it to me and went back to sleep right next to me.

As much as hayes going to parties with me, he couldn't leave me alone in there. Since I ended up in his room, I guessed San brought someone to our dorm.

After San, Wooyoung and I ended up wasted on the floor, the next morning he would say something like " I could have easily killed you if I was a murderer yesterday," or "Next time I'm living you to die alone," though he never did.

I finished my food and thanked him with a smack on the ass, he didn't even flinch.
When I got out and looked at the living room Mingi, Yunho and Jongho were spread over the couch and a small sofa. <<Did they all slept here?>> I asked myself, going to the small kitchen of this small ass apartment without looking away from Mingi's funny and awkward sleeping position.

When I got there to leave my empty bowl I finally looked to the front. My jaw dropped to the floor.

Hongjoong was in front of me, his hair a little messy, wearing a really big white t-shirt that covered from his torso to half his thighs. For my surprise, he was not wearing pants. My hands felt weak and I ALMOST dropped the bowl to the floor.

I quickly took a hold of it again, my cheeks burnt at this point. Hongjoong was surprised, he took the bowl from my hands and continued doing whatever he was doing in the first place, (thing I didn't notice at first, he was watching up a cooking pot.)

[You good?] He simply asked with an entertained smirk on his lips.
I simply nodded, taking a glass out of an upper cabinet. I could still feel my cheeks red and my heart race accelerated.

Since he was occupying the sink at the moment, I shook the glass a little to indicate him to open it for me so I could have some water. He kindly did.
I took out some pills, knowing exactly where they were as if it was my house. A thought came to my mind when I swallowed it.

[Did you make the soup?] I asked. He nodded.

[It was delicious!] A shy smile appeared on his cute morning face, I couldn't resist it, so I hugged him tight.

For some reason, he cried.