Love UnHeard || SeongJoong [Ateez]

[Part Z] 6. Broken eyes.

February 16, 2021

It was a cold afternoon, we were walking in the park after finishing our classes. The day was chilly and it was snowing, beam came out of our mouths and we both had our hands in the pockets. I wore a scarf and a long light brown coat along with some gloves and a warm jumper, he just wore a grey hoodie, his black beanie and those half-finger gloves he could only pull off.
Hongjoong walked some steps in front of me, backwards, so we could face each other.

I took a deep breath of this frosty air, [I'm sorry for kissing you the other day, ] I finally dared to say. [I caused trouble, it was stupid of me.]

[What? No! Why?] He asked as he mouthed, I think he was speaking it out loud as he signed with a confused look.

[You were gone and sad because of me...] I explained.

He opened his mouth as if he was going to talk, he closed it for a moment and thought. Then he signed, [It wasn't because of that, ] his steps became slower as we talked.

I stood in front of him with waiting eyes, [It wasn't you...] He looked down, hesitant.

[My father died.]

That's it, that's how he said it. Simple, with dark eyes and an empty soul.
I couldn't move. How did he say it like that? How did he spend two weeks alone after the news?
Wait, maybe that's why he was gone, he may have gone to his hometown for the funeral.

I swallowed the breath I didn't realise I was holding, [You went to you'd town, right?] I asked, though trying to not look concerned did not work.

I was waiting for a yes, a nod or reassuring eyes but I only got his soulless orbs looking down and shaking his head as if he was disappointed at himself.

I reached out for his chin so he could look at me. I didn't know what to say. Was an "I'm sorry" to generic? What about an "it'll be alright"? And if the was too bold... Maybe " I understand" could make him feel better.

But I didn't understand how it felt to lose a parent, so I said nothing.

"Seonghwa, I'm scared," he told me. "I'm scared... if I go back, he didn't be there," His lips shivered and his eyes looked gloomy. I was trying my absolute best to read his lips.

"I didn't say sorry, I run away and didn't even come back for Christmas. I hated him, but I'm feeling so bad," I read, even tho I missed some parts.

His eyes threatened with tears. "Seonghwa," I would never miss when he says my name. I know from memory how his lips turn when he pronounced it. "Seonghwa I'm scared."
A single tear dripped down his face.

I pulled him close and kissed his forehead, wrapping him between my arms in this cold weather. He didn't cry any more thought.

When we parted away he said, "I'm sorry, I've just been crying lately when I'm with you. This is not how I usually am..."

I shook my head. [Cry as much as you want, ]

After calming down he explained to me how everything happened; how when he got home the other day his brother called out of the blue, in a hurry, and told him their father was dead.
He was driving under the influence and crashed with another car. All the passengers, his dad and two more people died in the act.

He didn't want to believe it. He told me he still didn't, that as soon as he stepped in the house both his parents will be there drunk like always.
Only after telling me he somehow realised the facts of the matter.

Later, we talked for hours about dozens of other topics derivating from that. I tried to take his mind out of it once he let it all out and told me everything he wanted to. He said nobody else knew and asked me to keep it a secret.

We went out at 6 pm and were now 11 pm, we were coming back to the dorms after inviting him to warm black noodles as dinner.

Once we were on his door I recalled; today I was planning on confessing after apologising. I didn't care if he was going to accept or not, I just needed to tell him my feelings but no other situation changed.

[Would you... like it if I went with you to your home town to visit your father?] Maybe it was less scary for him than going alone.

Finally, his eyes lit up, he nodded. I hugged him for the last time for the day, lifting him some centimetres from the ground unconsciously.
We waved an awkward goodbye as we didn't wasn't to set apart (or that's what I'd lie to think).

San waited for me at the dorm. I took a deep breath and reminded myself not to say anything about Hongjoong's father before opening the door to his apartment.

Wooyoung, San and Yeosang we're all playing some card games all excited and dramatically turned when I entered.

[How your date go?] San smirked.

[What date?] I said annoyed.

[You and Hongjoong hyung, ] Wooyoung teased.

[Wanna join?] Yeosang asked now.

[I'm going to sleep, bye.] I stated with a fake angry face (I'm not a good liar). As soon as I closed the door to my room a big smiled appeared on my face. <<This could've been a date>> The cute thoughts invaded my mind. But the things we talked about we're so personal and dark that maybe I shouldn't classify it as one.

My mood went down. Fuck, Hongjoong's father just passed away. He spent two weeks alone because his father died, without telling anybody... Let that sink in.
But he's still here, he's strong, the strongest person I know...

Hongjoong, I love you.

ㅡㅡㅡ                                                        ㅡㅡㅡ

ㅡㅡㅡ    Little Hwa shenanigans    ㅡㅡㅡ
ㅡㅡㅡ               on his diary!                ㅡㅡㅡ
ㅡㅡㅡ                                                        ㅡㅡㅡ

21 July 2015

Hi dear diaryyyyy, (lol that's cringe btw whatever).
Oof oof today of... I have to write this to keep it as a core memory.

So I was at high school and this person comes to me running in sweat, literally out of nowhere and starts talking shit I don't remember. The thing is, suddenly Yeosang comes and smacks him with a BIBLE??!?!?!!?? LIKE WHAT THE HELL??

The guy just collapsed to the floor and Yeosang took my arm and dragged out of there. I was super confused so I asked him and he goes:

"Oh, he was talking bad about you to turn and I listened carefully to what he said, then he said something about you being incapable of doing whatever. I had enough, so I started chanting things I French near his ear, he thought I was a demon and I told him that if he didn't say sorry to you I'd make him pay for it for the rest of his life!
He came running to you so I thought it was funny, and a good opportunity, to hit him with a Bible."

Honestly, I chose my best friend correctly.

Lol, I can't wait to be older and read this again and tell Yeosang what he did once xd xd.

A/N: as always, thanks for reading!!! 🎅