Love UnHeard || SeongJoong [Ateez]

[Part Z] 2. Grandparents.

7, November of 2014

Long-awaited day, as I walked down the corridors of the school, slowly approaching Hell. Today was sports day, the most hated day on my calendar.

They eat food, play games, spend time with friends and race.

For me, it was just a day of sitting around doing nothing, reading books or trying to ignore my dearest hopeless bullies that loved me sooo much.

At the end of the day, I'm a shy, good student-you could even call me a nerd-, I read books for fun, have one or two friends and to top it all of, I am the deaf kid. The perfect target for 14-year-old bullies.

This midday I was sitting there, minding my own business reading a book I really like called "The Song of Achilles" while other classes raced at the sports field. These guys came all sweaty and smirking, they grabbed my book before I could realize they were there.

Their mouths moved, probably mocking me with something between the lines of "Reading again your faggot books?" or "I swore you didn't know how to read, hands kid." as if being gay was an insult or being deaf was the same as being illiterate. I'm sure they said some bullshit like that but honestly didn't care to even read their lips.

I said nothing in return, hoping they'll get bored of me not giving a fuck. They did and left. Finally, I had some peace.

[You okay?] Yeosang came and signed. I nodded in response.

I felt kind of glad he came, my friend, alongside Lee Minho(Who I may or may not have a crush on), to stay with me for the rest of the day.

Yes, the day was still extra boring, but these two made me feel a lot better.

16, January of 2021

---

"(...) he killed his wife."

Achilles asked, "How could he not recognize his wife?"

"That is the nature of madness," Chiron said. His voice sounded deeper than usual. He had known this man, had known his wife.

"But why did the madness come?"

"The Gods wished to punish him," Chiron answered.

Achilles shook his head, impatiently. "But this was a greater punishment for her. It was not fair of them."

"There is no law that Gods must be fair, Achilles," Chiron said. "And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. Do you think?"

"Perhaps." Achilles admitted.

---

That was an extract of a book I loved to read a lot when I was younger <<The Song of Achilles.>> Do you remember? lol what am I talking to myself.

I didn't understand what it meant till I was older and read it again, right after my grandparents both passed away when I was 16. Somehow the only ones who understood me, since they were both deaf like me.

I spent endless nights chatting and playing with them as a kid, watching movies or hearing their stories.

They used to tell me about when they met, how they fell in love after the Second World War ended and the Japanese left their territory. They also shared stories of how difficult it was for them to socialize at that time, or how there was a huge community just for them.

When they both died in the same year, I found myself lost. The only ones that knew sign language were my parents, my best friend Yeosang and my back then boyfriend Minho.

That part of the book had so much sense now, being left alone in the cruel world was way more painful than not existing anymore.

But thanks to that I looked for that community they told me about, and it wasn't far away. I don't mean physically speaking, I mean it metaphorically.

I never reached out or looked for people who understood me, I thought it was difficult, I thought I was alone now. But I wasn't.

I found a place, the Korea Association of Deaf Youth (or KADY), where I met Wooyoung, a hearing boy wanting to learn sign language.

I also met deaf friends who felt how I did like Ryujin or ByeongKwan, who to this day I'm still friends with.

But somehow, today I recalled all the memories with my grandparents after a really long time. With someone that made me feel as safe as they did on stormy nights.

Today we all had our finals, which lead to a wild thought from San. "What if we have a movie night? Exams are coming to an end!" I read his lips, accompanied by ASL. San, Yeosang and Wooyoung always made sure to speak and sign, to make me feel included in each and every word. As they should

(what? is a matter of simple respect. I'm not gonna sit here and say they are better people than someone who doesn't. If you know sign language you should use it around people who communicate with it. Ok, I'll stop ranting to myself now.)

So in the end, we all 8 decided to watch Studio Ghibli films at our dorm, but the thing got weird.

Wooyoung and San decided to leave at the second film, claiming they were sleepy. Mingi, Yunho and Jongho literally had to leave because Jongho's and Yunho's dorm was ON FIRE(don't worry it's alright now, they just called) and this fucker named Kang Yeosang saw the opportunity to leave me alone with Hongjoong and DID. HE WENT AWAY, LIKE: ADIOS BITCH, WHATTHEFUCK.

After that, it became just Hongjoong and me. We had still not mention about the kiss at all. Unexpectedly, neither of us seemed to care, we just kept watching the third movie for that night.

Hongjoong got closer to me, snuggling to my side and wrapping his arms around mine. <<WHAT IN THE HELL>> I clearly remember thinking. My face was hot, very hot, and my body jumped a bit when he first touched me.

I looked to the side and saw him closing his eyes unwillingly. My hands went to stroke his hair, I didn't care anymore. It was as soft as I imagined, or even softer.

He looked up to me with dolly, shiny eyes, when we met each other's gaze he smiled softly, those smiles that come from a place of comfort and looked like a star in the dark night. Just how my grandma smiled.

His eyes in a crescent moon shape, making me smile right back at him. Tonight, I felt young, I felt my grandparents warm once again. I don't know how or why, but he reminded me of them. A safe place.

[Are you sleepy?] He asked me. I just nodded. I wasn't sleepy at all, I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight because of that deadly smile, but he was and I wanted him to rest.

[Can I stay here?] He looked at me with his signature smirk. Why would he do that? Insanely hot and cute at the same time.

[Yes, but...] I took out my phone and opened the note app, not knowing if he would understand me in sign language.

"We have to cuddle, tough boy." He agreed with a cool nod. And here we were now, him sleeping at the side of my bed.

But I wasn't, I couldn't. NOT IF HE WAS HALF NAKED RIGHT BESIDES ME BECAUSE "THE ROOM IS TOO HOT." NO. You are also extremely hot and Im not complaining about it! (well how am I gonna complain about his massive tiddi- no. I mean, yes).

I just looked at him, he looks so squishy and peaceful lying there...

I think it's time to go now, I'm actually tired and want to get sleep before class tomorrow. So... Seonghwa out?

I still don't know how to finish writin on the diary and I've been doing it for 12 years, wow.