Love UnHeard || SeongJoong [Ateez]

[Part Z] 5. Koi no Yokan.

14 February 2021

Today... I saw a post on Reddit that said:

There's a Japanese phrase that I like, "Koi no yokan" 「恋の予感」. It doesn't mean Love at first sign. It's closer to love at second hand. It's the feeling when you meet someone that you're going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don't love them right away, but it's inevitable that you will.

And as soon as I read that post, you already know who went through my head. At this point, this diary is now a Hongjoong's admiration book. But what can I do if he's the only thing I can think of?

Foolish, blind and hurt, I know... but I cannot escape it, love is not that easy.
I am a fool for not caring for myself.
I am blind for not seeing what he felt.
I am hurt for... I am hurt for loving you.

I haven't written in here for a couple of days, but today something happened. Well, not exactly today, but since it's Saint Valentine, I thought it was the perfect day to write it.

The happenings started some days ago when we all were at Yeosang's house after the party and I found Hongjoong in the kitchen. I hugged him as a thank for the soup he made.

For some reason, he cried.

His little hands tightly wrapped against my neck as he pulled me down a little so I would reach his height. I could feel his chest rising up and down, I knew he was crying.
I hugged him back and lifted him from the floor as a reflex, not realizing what I did until he wrapped his legs around my waist, still sniffing with his head hidden on my shoulder.

I looked around, the others still sleeping. Where could we go? I thought as I caressed his hair. I saw Wooyoung's room, quietly opening the door looking inside. I closed it again when I saw Wooyoung and San one sleeping on top of each other. <<Shit>>.

I just made space in the coach, right next to Mingi. Hongjoong's head still buried on my neck, I didn't know what to do. Why was he crying? Was it because of me? My head hurt too much that morning and this situation made my mind foggy.

I mean, who could resist this? Imagine the person you like hugging you so tight, feeling like you are a safe place for them, feeling their trust. How was I supposed to think clearly knowing all of that?

He finally pulled away, locking our eyes. The tough guy I first meet was now a crying mess in front of me. He was vulnerable and I needed a way of letting him know that it was okay, that I was here with him. I needed to let him know that whatever was going through his head at the moment was only temporary.

But how could I do it? How can I tell him that being vulnerable it's okay? <<Be vulnerable yourself.>>

"What's wrong?" I asked using my voice, my biggest insecurity. His eyes opened wide after hearing me.

"Thank you," He mouthed with a smile. Before I knew it, his lips pressed against mine. Once again, we kissed. And it felt so right.

His lips were salty from the tears but as soft as they've always been. I cupped his face with both hands, keeping him as close as I could. His cheeks were also wet but the moves in the deepening kiss made me not care.

He has kissed before, though I hope with no such sincerity as today.

I felt his jaw move under my caring grip, his breathing and mine mixed and I could smell his sweet scent right next to mine.
The perception of time escaped my senses as the only thing I could feel was him. I was not planning on letting go at any moment, but sadly we had to.