41 | i hate myself

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I hate myselfbecause I am notwho I thought I'd beafter I climbed peaksI set out forand after I conqueredeverything that's laidout for me—I am still notwho I want to beso I hate myself for that

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I hate myself
because I am not
who I thought I'd be
after I climbed peaks
I set out for
and after I conquered
everything that's laid
out for me
—I am still not
who I want to be
so I hate myself for that

I hate myself
because I can't take
my dreams and
let them go
and I can't accept it
when my choices
simply doesn't work out
after all the years I've
lived through and
a thousand mistakes I made
—I am still not the wise person
people promised I'd become
so I hate myself for that

And how sad is it
as I look at people
who seemed to have it
all figured out
—how they love themselves
and how they praise their ego
without feeling like a fraud
They don't look like me
—who shrivel away because
I'm too caught up
in my own problems
to care about others
—and I hate myself for not
being like them
—for being different
ordinary
as such that I deserved
to be ignored

I hate myself
so much and at times
it's all I ever do
I hate myself so much
just for being the things I am
I hate myself
just for being human

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