88 | if i had known

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If I had known wheredreaming would take me—I would have stoppedbefore I began

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If I had known where
dreaming would take me
—I would have stopped
before I began

If I had known how
failure of expectations
would make me feel
—I would have chipped
off the smallest happiness
I could back then

If I had known why people
prefer those who behave
a certain way that I don't
—I would have stopped acting
to get people to like me

If I had known what message
would I be preaching or
what instinct would I be fighting
—I would have told myself
to start long ago

If I had known when I
would scrape away the wish
I held on to for so long
—I would have stopped
hoping long ago

If I had known where
dreaming would strand me
—in this barren fields of
endless hunger and death—
I would have not started
what I did nor moved from
where I began

If I had known that what
made me feel alive
would eventually kill me
—I would have stopped
dreaming long ago 

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