an adjournment of scars, an endearment of stitches

64 | am i allowed to dream

Am I allowed to dream
of the dazzling heights
without the fear of hitting
the ground when I fail
to grasp the ledge?

Am I allowed to dream
of pure love and bliss
without the fear of
being hurt and left alone
when it leaves me?

Am I allowed to dream
of the painless healing
the quick stitching
and the endless fizz
of feeling
Am I allowed to dream
or am I just going
to end up breaking
myself or worse, dying?

Am I allowed to dream
of the burning fire
without the fear of
burning my soul
to ash if I let it rage?

Am I allowed to dream
—to walk my path
without the fear of
people's judgment
and the fear of rejection
bound to swallow me
bones, soul—all?

Am I allowed to dream
of the peaceful surrender
the calm acceptance
that I am never
going to be more than
the flame dying to a sputter
and the listless memory
of the things people
will not remember
Am I allowed to dream
or am I just bound to
stay as I am—forever dreaming
too afraid to throw back
the blinds and start living

Am I allowed to dream
or am I just waiting
for the end of my yearning?