97 | hold at arm length

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I hold people at arm lengthbecause I'm afraid of themseeing the cracks in my skinI fear them seeing the blooddripping from the open scarsI clawed from so long agoI fear them seeing the heartstill beating despite being brokenand they'd think to the...

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I hold people at arm length
because I'm afraid of them
seeing the cracks in my skin
I fear them seeing the blood
dripping from the open scars
I clawed from so long ago
I fear them seeing the heart
still beating despite being broken
and they'd think to themselves
—I am not perfect and
I cannot be loved

I hold people at arm length
because I can't have them
seeing everything wrong
with me; everything I have
tried so hard to hide
over the years of toil
They'd probably think
—I am not meant
to be loved

Surely there exists
a fault in my system
—how else have I felt
this defeated and empty—
This is why I cannot look up
to the heavens in wonder
and why I cannot enjoy
my life in this fragile soil

So, I hold people at arm length
because I'm afraid of them seeing
the storm brewing beneath my skin
and the dead sparkle in my eyes
—if they did, they'd think of me
as pathetic and not worthy
of anything good
—if they see I'm not perfect
that I'm not who they
told me to be—
I won't be loved

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