113 | all the heartache

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Weary—I am wearyfrom all the effort I've given that bore no fruit

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Weary—I am weary
from all the effort I've
given that bore no fruit

Bleary—the world is bleary
because of all the chances
I was given but I never took

Shame and guilt both play
in the ground I laid
for them in my head
I've spent years trying to
outgrow these toys
but I ended up playing
with them instead

It just doesn't stop
—the toil and the
flaring thoughts
that come with it

It just doesn't stop
—all the shifting dunes
and the repeated words
nobody asked for
but given freely

Sorry—I am sorry for
the way everything turned
out because of me

Glory—I have no glory
because of the way I
have told my story

Beasts and witches
whose cackles are
conjured by my mind
I've spent years trying
to run but I ended up
joining them in bloodlust
and insanity despite

All the heartache
the wishes uttered
but never fulfilled

All the days of fruitless
toil and the mockery
I receive because of it

All the days of languishing
spent hiding from the sun
as if it burns the sin in me

All of them
just doesn't stop


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