(A/N: Yesterday, we were at 12k. Today, we hit 13k! That's a HUGE reader growth for ONE DAY! Thank you all. That's just so amazing. Love you guys! :)
I don't know how to describe it. It's an emotion, that much I know. It kind of feels like someone stabbed me in the stomach and stretched my intestines across the country, but they're refusing to let go. It's a physical pain, strongest in my stomach and chest, but I also feel a deep anguish. It's picking at my brain.
"Hey, Ger-" I stop myself, realizing he won't be able to answer my question about the feeling, considering he's in another country, "Nevermind." I say to myself, flopping on my back.
Maybe my Mom knows what it is. I grab my phone from my nightstand and dial her number.
"Hey, nerd." She answers after three rings.
"I think I'm the next virgin Mary or something." I say blankly, grabbing at my stomach.
"One, you're not a virgin. Two, that's impossible." She responds humorously.
I sit up, "How would you know if I'm a virgin or not?"
"Sweetheart... you talk in your sleep. And your girl code with Lindsey isn't very secretive... at all. What else would donut and and cucumber mean?!"
My face turns red, and I internally cringe at seventeen year old me, "An unhealthy salad?" I squeak, but she remains silent. I can practically see her eyebrows raising, "Okay, fine. I'm not a virgin, but I feel... weird. My stomach and chest hurt, and I'm, like, in emotional pain? I don't know how to put it."
"Are you on your period?"
"Mom! No!" I scream, starting to get annoyed.
She sighs through the phone, "Hold up, my mom senses are tingling," She starts making weird noises, making me cringe for the second time during the phone call, "When was the last time you spoke to Gerard?"
My eyes widen and I gasp, "Mom! You're a genius! Gotta go! Love you, bye!"
"Y/N, wait-" I hang up and grab my laptop, throwing my phone to the side. I log into Skype, seeing Gee is active. I click on his contact and start a video call.
He answers. From what I can tell, he's sitting on a balcony. The skies are orange, sunset. A light breeze blows his bangs ever so slightly, "Hey, babe."
I smile at the sound of his voice, "Hey, Gee."
"I was wondering when you'd call." He chuckles, scratching his eyebrow.
"I wish you were here." I say, ignoring his attempted guilt trip. The feeling in my stomach slightly becomes less noticeable since I'm talking to him.
"So do I, baby. You and I'll have to fly back here sometime after the tour. It's so beautiful." He says, getting lost in his words. That's one of the things I love most about him- how he gets so interested in things he just blanks out in his thoughts. He's very intelligent in an artistic way.
"Gerard!" I hear Frank call in the background. Gee snaps his head towards the glass door behind him, "You used up all the hair spray, you prick!"
"I'm kind of talking to my girlfriend right now, Frankie! Leave a message after the beep!" Gee replies before turning back towards the camera. I laugh at him, and he smiles.
"Hey, Y/N!" I see Frank approaching the door at a quick speed. All I hear is a thud against the glass, and Frank collapses. I burst out in laughter.
"You idiot!" I hear Mikey shout.
Frank slowly stands up, rubbing his head, "At least I'm not sticking forks in toasters, asshole!" Frank retorts with a raised eyebrow.
"Can you two shut the fuck up!" Gee cuts in.
"No!" Ray answers.
"Don't get involved, Toro." Gee sighs.
He gives his attention back to me, giving me an apologetic glance, "I should probably go and make sure they don't kill each other."
"Okay." There's the feeling. Growing again to how it was in the beginning.
"I love you, Y/N. Only two more months until I can hold you in my arms and tell you in person." He smiles, and I blush, already counting the minutes.
"I love you too, Gee."
With that, the call ends and I shut my laptop. I'm not sure why it took me so long to realise, but what I feel is the loss of the everyday kisses, cuddles, laughter, and everything in between.
I miss everything he gave me.
I miss Gerard.
