Requested by LizzieAR5
Warning: Mentions of drug use, alcoholism, and overdose
I promise the entire thing isn't sad :)
Gerard's POV
My hands continue to tremble as I pick up my bottle of anti-depressants.
"Fuck!" I shout as I throw the empty bottle at the wall, watching as the cap pops off and flies across the room as it makes contact with the wall. My back hits the refrigerator as my hands tug at my hair.
Need more. Need more! NEED MORE!
"Shut up!" I scream at the voice, tears rushing down my face. I need my pills, "Fuck!"
It's been too long. I've been fighting myself to quit, but I can't last longer than a couple days. God, I'm pathetic. I have no reason to stop, other than Y/N, but even she's getting tired of me. I don't blame her, who would want to be with a greasy drug head alcoholic-
I spin around and pull open the fridge, spotting one last can of beer. My hands grab it greedily, ripping off the tab and guzzling down the cold poison. The voice becomes softer, it's satisfied. Quiet sobs escape my lips once the can is empty.
I feel like I'm going insane.
With much difficulty I rise to my feet, my vision spinning, struggling to adjust. I push myself through the tour bus, but it feels like I'm walking in water, being pulled back. The drawer flies open at the quick motion of my hand, and I frantically rummage through the contents inside it until I find what I'm looking for.
I set the bag down and find a straw then cut it in half with a pair of scissors. I dump the white powder from the bag and sort it into lines with my finger before sticking one end of the straw in my nose and inhaling deeply, my nose burning fiercely as the cocaine passes through my nasal cavity. My head tilts back, and my eyes squeeze shut as I wait for the burning to ease.
With a sigh, I snort another line, and another, and I slowly begin to feel better.
My body gets heavy to where I can no longer support myself, and I collapse to the floor. The bus shakes at my impact. A tear slips from my eye. What am I doing?
My black shirt is covered in cocaine, resembling chalk dust. I pick at it until I get enough on my finger. I stare at it, and it stares back, teasing me.
Do it.
Come on, do it.
My hand falls back to the floor, and I lose all need to get up, so I lay here, my body shaking, spit dribbling from my mouth, and tears rushing down my face.
I want to die.
I make no effort to look up when I hear the door open. Something falls and smashes on the floor, "Oh my god!" Her angelic voice shouts. My Y/N. Her footsteps move towards me until her feet come into my line of vision, then her knees. Her hands grab my head, tilting it forward so I can see her face. Fear rests on hers. Her y/e/c eyes scan mine quickly. I look back apologetically. She looks at my shirt then my nose. I have no doubt the cocaine is still there too.
"What the fuck did you do, Gerard?!" She cries, pulling me closer to her. My head rests on her lap.
"I'm so tired, Y/N." I whisper, lifting my arm up to caress her cheek.
"No," Tears run down her face, "H-how much did you take?"
"Just the right amount." I cough, sighing as I feel my body start to go numb. Her eyes widen with more fear.
