Try Again: Shawn Mendes ✔️

64

Athena Elle Carter

It's been a little over a month now. It's July 28th and I'm six months pregnant, only three months and a few days left to go.

I won't lie it's been horrible. Constant throwing up, back pains, I'm easily out of breath, I'm tired all the time and my baby hates meat. Whenever I'm around Shawn cooking he kicks me so hard and I end up feeling light headed.

As for Shawn, he's been wonderful, there's no other way to put it. We baby proofed the house together, moved everything in and his friends also helped which was nice. He was very hands on and I liked it. Always touching the bump, always singing to him and even reading stories, he said something about wanting that baby to recognise his voice.

However we weren't being as touchy. We are outside though, people still believe we're this absolutely amazing couple who have it all. But we're not. We're not even a couple. I have my own room and so does he. We eat and cook together but it's more like friends. We'll watch movies and walk around the garden but no hand holding or touching. I guess that's good but sometimes I see it in his eyes, see how much this is hurting him.

Whenever we wake up his eyes are red and puffy, like he's been crying. Or he'll get close to me then move away with a disappointed sigh.

My emotions were all over he place. Of course I found him terribly attractive, with his god like body and perfect hair but I had to remain calm and it was going well so far. I didn't want to be selfish and put my feelings out there when we have a baby coming along.

-
"Athena!" Shawn shouts. I groan getting up from the sofa and slip my slides on.

"Yeah?" I ask walking into the kitchen. "Here try this" he holds up a spoon for me. He's gotten so much better at cooking, he's genuinely trying. Every time he's not in his office/studio he's making food for me which completely warmed my heart.

"What is it?" I ask. "It's Mexican rice" he says.

I hold his wrist bringing the spoon towards me and he watches my face carefully as I eat the flavourful food.

"Woah that's really good" I grin taking the spoon. "Really?" A huge smile plasters over his face. I nod at him taking another spoon. His under eyes were slightly red, his cheeks painted a rosy pink and I knew he wasn't sleeping.

"The boys are coming over tonight, they wanna see the house" he tells me leaning back on the counter. His arms flexing as he crosses them over his chest.

"Oh when?" I ask. "Like two hours" he replies.

"Okay, I can go out or something if you want"

He's quick to shake his head no. "Where do you have to go? You can just stay here with us. This is your home too" he smiles gently.

Home. This is my home now.

"Okay. I'll clean up the living room. Should we order food or-"

"I'll order when they get here" He says. "Okay I'm gonna get cleaning" I say walking away.

"Athena?"

I turn back to him nodding.

"They don't know about-"

"It's okay, we can fake it for a couple of hours" I smile at him. "Yeah. Thanks" he quickly turns around as to dismiss me.

-
"He's a total babe!" Brian chuckles. Swinging an arm Jon who laughed in a boyish way. "Don't think you think Athena?" He asks me.

"Yeah totally, Jon you're so hot" I wink at him making them all laugh. "Hey you better calm it Mrs Mendes" Matt sits beside me.

I look up at him confused. "Hmm?" I ask.

"Your fiancé is stood all alone in the kitchen" Matt says. "Oh" it clicks into my head we're still faking.

"Well aren't you going to go to him?" Jon asks. "What? Yeah obviously" I get. I hear them make kissing noises as to which I put my middle finger up at them.

"Hey... baby" I awkwardly go to lean against the counter beside him. He raises his eyebrows at me then realises the boys were watching and listening, not so discreetly.

"Hi love" he smiles warmly.

He's faking it Athena! I tell myself.

"What's wrong? Why are you here when then party is there" I ask him. He sighs looking over at the boys who look away acting like they weren't watching.

I'm then taken away by his actions. He moves in front of me and traps me with his huge arms.

"Will you please sleep in my bed tonight?" He asks me.

I was not expecting that.

"I just miss you Athena. I just hate that you're so close to me but I can't tell you I love you" He huffs, a tinge of beer coming from his breath.

"I love you so much Athena. I hate myself everyday for what I did to you, all of it. How I lied, cheated, manipulated and used you. I'm so fucking sorry. I just... I love you" he says, his hands at the sides of my face.

I gulp looking up at him.

"Shawn-"

"Yeah I know you don't love me, I fucking know that. But how do you expect me to live with you and raise a baby with you and not expect me to fall deeper for you" his voice getting harsher now.

I felt my heart get heavy at his words.

"Find someone else then" I blurt out without even thinking.

He steps back from me with the most disgusted look on his face.

"Someone else? I just told you I love you, I don't want anyone else. Why would you say that?" He spits at me. "Oh and don't cry, you always do that. You know I'm right, I can't just live with you when I know you don't want me. So don't give me this bullshit" He shouts at me, I wipe my cheeks sniffling, trying to stop myself from crying.

"Hey, Everything Okay?" Brian walks into the kitchen placing a hand on Shawn's shoulder. I nod looking away from them.

"I don't know and I don't fucking care" Shawn mumbles.

"Athena, you okay?" Brian asks me. "Yeah I'm fine" I shrug when I'm clearly not.

"I'm going to bed" I mumble walking away. I then feel Shawn's gentle grip on my hand. "You haven't eaten" he says.

This is why I'm confused. How could he go from just screaming at me to caring for me.

"I don't think you care" I take my wrist back and go upstairs to my room.