Try Again: Shawn Mendes ✔️

65

Athena Elle Carter

I'm in bed shuffling and turning at every angle but this baby won't let me sleep. I get up huffing and slip on some nike joggers.

I didn't care if Shawn was still downstairs with his friends. I couldn't sleep, I feel miserable, hungry and agitated.

"Athena" Shawn whispers as I make it downstairs. I ignore him walking to the kitchen, I glance back to see the boys had fallen asleep and he had gotten up.

"Athena" he puts a hand in my waist. "Don't touch me" I mumble. He sighs moving his hand back and I get on with my mission to find something to eat.

"Will you listen to me?" He asks gently. My brain completely fried and my head is hurting with how confused I am.

"I'm sick of listening to you" I say back reaching up for the popcorn on the top shelf.

I feel him behind me and he reaches up grabbing the popcorn handing it to me.

"You talk and I'll listen then" he says. I turn to him, his soft eyes on mine.

"I don't know what to say" I shrug. "Athena-"

"You know what fine" I huff, here go my hormones.

"I'm so confused right now, you're saying you love me so much then you shout and yell at me when I don't say it back but you said to me in New York that you don't care and you're willing to try again. So fucking do what you said. I'm not going to fall at your feet Shawn, you hurt me and I don't think I have to remind you of what you did or how bad my heart was hurting" I tell him with a heavy heart and he nods looking down at the ground like I had just told him off.

"And I'm not saying I hate you because I don't. I don't think I ever will because you're important to me, you're absolutely amazing Shawn but for some reason you're letting yourself slip and it reminds me of why I can't just say I love you" I breath out deeply. My hand going to bump as I feel him kick me harshly, like he didn't like the words I was saying.

"Do you love me?" He asks, his eyes all red and watery.

I sigh taking his hands in mine. "I do, I know somewhere I do but I'm not ready to say it. It's like every time we're going good and gaining trust something comes in our way, wether it be the media, my family, or-"

"Or me" He says. And as sad as it is, he's right.

"It's me isn't it? Remember I stopped you from seeing Myles, I ruined your friendship Camille and Myles, It was because of me you were kicked out of fashion school, I was then jealous of you and that Eric kid, then I cheated on you, then I proposed to you. Just say this is my fault. I know it is" he says it all whilst looking at me right in the eyes.

"Shawn" I whisper. I place a hand in his cheek, he was so broken.

"But you were so good to me. You were always so supportive of me, helping me with my family, you basically gave me this career, you loved me so much and cared for me. You gave me this baby. It rules out all the bad things but they're still there and whenever I forget, whenever I'm so close to letting you back in something happens" I sigh.

He nods softly. Then he moves closer to me as presses his forehead against mine. His nose brushing mine and lips so close to me.

"Please, please let me kiss you" he chokes out. I let my eyes flutter shut and when he's about to move closer, when his lips are almost on mine I move back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have" he steps away from me running a hand through his hair.

"It's okay" I grab the popcorn ready to make a run for it but he takes my waist and just hugs me.

Something just as innocent as a hug. I hug him back, as tight as I can. His head rested in my neck and I feel his hot tears run down his face and onto my skin.

"Shawn, please don't" I rub his back feeling a knot in my throat.

"Let me just say it. Can I?" He asks. I hum closing my eyes and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you. I love you so much Athena" he says in my ear. "I hope one day I can get your trust back"

I pull away after a few seconds. "You will" I nod.

I then lean up and press a kiss to his cheek. My lips on his wet skin. "Good night"

He crouches down as I let go, facing my stomach and he kisses my bump tenderly. "Night, you let mummy sleep and be good" he says to my tummy then he gets up.

"Night Athena"

"Night" I turn away.