Falling - 𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃𝑜

Chapter 54: I have nothing

Jess' POV

It is my second day in California, the sounds of the ocean waking me again. I could get used to it, although the tension around here is weird, as if Natasha is mad at Jimmy for some reason.

He could've told her he has a son. She doesn't seem to appreciate his lies but still tries to give me a warm home. Again a stranger takes care of me.

I open the front door to walk inside when I hear Natasha's voice from in the kitchen, her daughter sitting on the couch with a book in her hands. Not even looking up when I walk in again.

'He can't stay here,' she hisses and I hear my father sigh, not knowing what to tell her. 'I had no idea ...'

'You gave the kid your address!' She yells. Everything quiet in one second. I slam the door shut, letting them know I'm here before I hear some things I don't want to hear.

In less than five seconds my father walks out of the kitchen, a fake smile on his face. Natasha doesn't even bother to follow him.

'Jess, have you already seen the town?' He asks a little tense. 'About seven times,' I mumble, knowing he doesn't want me here right now. Jimmy looks from me at the little girl next to me, trying to find an escape.

'There are some amazing bookstores here,' he tries and I sigh before standing up. I can't make the rules around here. I should be grateful for the effort they put in me.

'I'll be back in an hour,' I say before closing the door behind me. The yelling starting again when I walk to the small gate.

'Why else would he be here! Have you even asked if he is in trouble? Maybe he needs money!' The judgement starts all over again. Sorry I believed that my father would give me a better home.

(time skip)

These bookstores are nothing compared to those in New York. Even the small one in Stars Hollow seemed better. I flip through a number of books in the fifth bookstore of today. I must have been gone for a while now, they probably wouldn't even miss me.

The moment my phone makes a sound a few other customers look at me in disgust, as if this is a library. I look at them filthy before taking my phone, Madelaine's name on the screen.

This can't be true. I have completely forgotten to tell her I am fine after all. But, now that would be a lie.

Haven't heard from you. Hope we are still planning on seeing each other again - Madelaine

We will, I immediately text back but regret it in a second. She will go to college and I don't even know if I can stay here. I have no home, no family. Only her. I should've graduated.

The moment I put my phone back in my pocket it rings another time but I don't look at it, hearing some man call my name. I turn around and lay the book down, seeing my father in confusion.

'Where have you been?' He asks, his eyes wide open. 'The bookstore as you told me,' I answer unsure.

'Do you have any idea how many bookstores there are?' He grabs me by my arm without any warning and drags me outside as if I'm a little child. This can't be more embarrassing.

Outside the sky has turned into a dark blue colour and all the warmth of the day takes place for a cold wind. I must have been gone for longer than an hour.

We stand there for a moment, not saying a word. Both of us in the same position. Hands in our pockets, looking around mysteriously. I need him, I realize after a moment and dare to look up at the man who calls himself my father. I can't sink deeper.

'Are you in trouble?' He finally breaks the ice and I laugh stupid, knowing something like this had to happen. 'No,' I answer coldly.

'Jess, if the cops are after you than ...'

'What!' I yell at him, my gaze full of disgust. 'You think the only reason I could possibly be here is because of some trouble!'

'Then why are you here? You show up out of nothing, not even a call and expect me to be good with that?' I see the confusion in his eyes, the pain to tell me this. This comes from Natasha, not from him.

'You want to go down that road?' I ask in disbelief. 'You showed up at the diner! No call, no nothing!' My anger takes over again, my arms shaking in pure madness. He couldn't do this. He couldn't say this.

'Jess, don't you understand? I have nothing! I can't give you anything, I have nothing!' I laugh weakly when the words come out of his mouth, the frustration in his eyes.

'You have nothing?' I dare him. 'I - have - nothing! I couldn't graduate high school, I failed every person that ever tried to love me and I don't have a family!' I can't scream anymore, my lungs burning. 'I have nothing,' I say one last time. My voice hoarse.

He repairs himself after that, seeing the pain I'm in. Seeing all the mistakes both of us have made through our lives. This couldn't be my life, this couldn't be my future. I want to become so much more.

People stand around us, watching our fight as if it is something funny. It's not. 'You can't stay, Jess,' he whispers and lifts his shoulders, as if this is normal.

'Fine,' I hiss under my breath, and walk past him to the house, making sure I can leave this idiotic place in a second. I couldn't stay with my drug-addict mom and now my father bails on me also.

I don't have a home, I never had. That is my life.