Lone Wolf || bxb

Chapter 14

TW: mentions of self harm

~~~~~~~~~

In my state of shock, I stood still and stared for longer than I should have. I think he whispered my name after a few seconds, but I barely registered it as I had already started moving in autopilot. Tears threated to spill from my eyes from my state of despair at seeing Finn's delicate skin spill with blood by his own hand.

I hurried to take the blade from him and flushed it down the toilet before I sat him on the toilet seat. The blade he used was regular metal, but he hadn't allowed his skin to repair itself yet, so I gently encourage him to heal as I desperately grappled with my emotions. He needed me to be strong for the both of us because he wasn't in a state where he had strength to spare for himself alone right now. Eventually he listened to my pleading and let his skin put itself back together as his heart desperately fought to pump blood back into his veins. Luckily, at the very least, he hadn't lost too much.

I took a dark towel from the side and put it over some of the blood that had spilled onto the floor, so it could soak it up, and then I took my mate out of the room and sat him down on the edge of our bed. He hadn't said anything yet and couldn't look me in the eyes at all, opting to instead stare at his feet and his hands which fidgeted from the uncomfortable nature of what had just happened.

My hand went to his back and I rubbed soothing circles to help calm down his erratic heartbeat. I placed kisses on his shoulder, hoping to show him how much he meant to me, and when the tears started flowing down his eyes again, I brushed them away with the thumb of my spare hand and laid his head gently in my lap as I consoled him and let him cry.

It took him time but eventually his tears stopped, and he brought himself back up to a sitting position, not that I would have minded if he wanted to stay in my lap for the rest of the day, for the rest of time even.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I whispered back. "Do you want to tell me what happened? Did someone do something?"

He shook his head to say no. "No one did anything, it was just...just me. My stupid brain."

"Hey," I said softly. "Please don't be mean to yourself."

"I told you already, I can't help it," he said with a frown which put a frown on my own face.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked hoping he would open up to me because that was the only way I could truly help him.

"I just...I got lost in my thoughts again," he explained as he started to play with his fingers. "I was just thinking about the shower and I got insecure thinking I was terrible and not good enough for you cause I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to being intimate. And I started comparing myself to...to."

"To?" I encouraged.

"To Lucien. And I started thinking maybe you don't want to do more with me yet because I'm bad at all of this, and please don't take that as me trying to guilt trip you into doing more with me quicker than you want, it's just what I was thinking at the time. I want to be everything for you, but my insecurities are always getting to me and, and my thoughts just branched off from all of that to other things I don't like about myself and I just needed to do something to help cope with it all," he sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

My poor baby. He clearly had so many demons in his head trying to bring him down. I hoped I could make him feel a little better.

"Finn...the reason I want to take things slow is because my first time was awful because it's not like I didn't consent, but I just regretted it so much afterwards. It was horrible and painful, and he didn't listen to me when I asked him to change the way he did something or other and he used me like I was an object for his pleasure and not a person with my own feelings and desires." I explained. I had to reassure him that all his insecurities stemmed from nothing.