Lone Wolf || bxb

Chapter 41 (18+)

Sexual explicit content, read at own risk

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I was currently in the shower while I waited for Finn to wake up again. The warm water dripped down my body at a soothing pace and I thought about everything that had happened now that I had a moment to myself.

A feral mating.

I loved it rough, that would hardly be a surprise to anyone who had seen me perform in bed. I loved the sting and the itch and the uncomfortable positions as my mate saw every exposed part of my body. The thrill of being used and abused and given only one purpose so that I did not have to worry about any other thing in the world. It was like this blissful escape that came accompanied with an orgasm or two or half a dozen at the end. But even still, the way that Finn fucked me, now that I look back on it, was maybe just a tad over the edge for me. It wasn't his fault; I knew that very well from how I had treated him when I dominated. I just had to make it clear, though, that he couldn't do some of that stuff again.

I loved it every other time he was rough with me because, in the same moment, he could behave as an oxymoron, giving me the searing stinging pleasure, perhaps through a spanking, but still giving me gentleness at the same time the way he would call me pet names that made me blush as bright as a million roses. He could fuck me into oblivion again, if he wanted, but I just wanted to hear him call me 'little dove' as he used me and making me bleed was maybe a little too much.

It's always tough though when our wolves are in control. They're beastly with no control and emotion except for their basic primal needs. Our species works because our humanity keeps our wolves under control from committing atrocious acts, and our wolves give our human sides strength and power which bumps us high up the food chain. Our marking of each other must have made some sort of barrier snap until we fully mated, making us lose control like that. My poor baby, it pains me to think of how I treated his first time bottoming for me. I hope I never lost control of my wolf again like that because, now that I'm not under a trance, I would never ever forgive myself if I hurt him again. I know some of his screams were in pain, and I didn't stop and the memory of that makes me want to look for a blade that Finn might have hidden somewhere in here and so that I can punish myself.

I was so lost in my thoughts of self-loathing that I didn't even know Finn had come into the room until I felt his arms wrap around me. He placed tender kisses on my shoulder and my neck, and my mark and I felt so secure being held by him. I wanted to stay like this forever.

"Finn...I'm sorry," I said at the same time as he spoke.

"I'm sorry..." he had said and we both abruptly stopped realising we were saying the same thing. I leant my head back against his chest and held his hands tightly against my body.

"Are we just going to keep saying sorry forever like this?" he asked with a soft voice that made me think he was deep in thought.

"I know I will be sorry for longer than forever, so maybe," I replied as I frowned. Finn turned me around in his arms, so I was facing him now, and then lifted my chin up with two fingers to face him.

"I will always be sorry too, but, and this is coming from someone who's always stuck in insecurity and self-doubt, but maybe we should try to move past it. I hate hearing you apologise for something that wasn't your fault, and as we were in the same situation, I have to try and realise that the way I treated you wasn't my fault either," Finn said, sharing a little bit of his wisdom.

"Okay... I'll try," I responded. "And it's true, the way you treated me wasn't your fault at all!"

He rested his forehead on mine after giving me a little nod, but I knew from the frown on his lips that he didn't quite believe what I said. But then, I found it hard to believe what he said too, about it not being my fault. I hoped this cloud over our relationship wouldn't remain here forever.