Retrocognition

5 | foolish

"I just can't believe this," Jonah mutters, shaking his head and eyeing me as if I am some sort of celebrity. In reality, I'm a freshman in college, your average girl drowning in assignments and struggling to get through life. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing special.

"Talia mentioned she had a sister," he continues, still shaking his head in disbelief. "I just had no idea you started attending school here already. Wow. You should have came to me sooner! If I would have known, I would have inducted you into the paper committee right away. The Cardinal would love to have you. You're, like, a living legend. I mean, Talia Tatum was a . . ."

Jonah rambles on, though I begin to tune him out as I study my surroundings. He has a little office within the journalism building, next to the room dedicated to meetings for members of the paper committee. His office isn't much, just a simple desk with two chairs on each side, a few personal touches here and there.

Jonah doesn't look anything like I'd expected him to, though what exactly I'd been expecting I'm not entirely sure. He's scrawny for a senior about to graduate university. His red hair is long, almost touching his shoulders. He's pale too, with a scattering of freckles across his features here and there. His blue eyes shine with a light that suggests he's had one too many coffees today, though it's not like I can blame him. The news that's been traveling around campus has us all coping in our own ways.

"Anyway"—Jonah's voice snaps me back to reality—"it's really awesome to finally meet you. I'm assuming you set up this meeting to join the paper, right?"

I nod, though hesitantly. "Uh, yeah. I worked on my school paper back in high school. I really want to continue with it. Plus, The Cardinal is a major step up. I think it could be a great opportunity."

Jonah nods to express that he's following along with what I'm saying. He interlocks his fingers, setting his hands atop his desk.

"Then it's a done deal," he tells me, offering a wide smile. "Welcome to the team! I'm sure we can find something for you to work on."

Something about Jonah's last remark stands out to me. Curious, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, aching for something to fidget with to calm my nerves. "Is there any chance I could do any writing?" I ask meekly, suddenly shy.

Jonah purses his lips. I feel the sting of rejection without having to hear him say a word.

"Gee, I'd love to work something out and see what you're capable of, Blythe. It's just . . ." Jonah trails off. His expression seems to suggest he's unsure of what to say. "Well, writing opportunities usually go to upperclassmen. We already gave a freshman a writing position this year, which is sort of rare. I'd love to make an exception for you—with you being related to Talia and all—but . . ."

I'm offended, and I know I have no right to be. Everything Jonah has said makes perfect sense, and I'm sure if I wasn't so hurt I would agree with him. And yet . . . I'm still upset. As it turns out, my reasoning behind not joining the paper sooner had been completely foolish. I'd been afraid everyone would look to me to run things, considering I'm Talia Tatum's sister, and that isn't the case at all. Now that I finally have decided to pursue my interests, I come to find that I won't even be a writer for the paper. I feel as if I've been slapped in the face.

"I'm really sorry, Blythe," Jonah murmurs. I can tell that he means the words, reading his expression as apologetic. "Maybe if you'd applied a little earlier, I could have managed something. But we've already filled our main writing positions for the year. I know it's only the second week of the semester, but so many people want to be a part of The Cardinal. I'm already technically making an exception allowing you to join so late. You understand, don't you?"

I nod absentmindedly, still lingering in my pity party. It's ironic how disheartened I am by this news, considering I hadn't wanted to join the paper in the first place.

"Um . . . yeah, I understand. I'd just love to help out. In, um, any way I can."

Jonah smiles again, a bit of excitement returning to his expression. "Awesome. Don't be too upset, okay? I'm sure you'll be running this place soon enough. Talia Tatum is a legend amongst us paper geeks. By the time you're a junior, you'll probably be sitting where I am."

I force a smile, knowing Jonah means well and that his remark is meant to be taken as a compliment. However, I'm seething on the inside. It sucks living in Talia's shadow, though it sucks even more when I can't even use my relation to her at an advantage. I know I'm being irrational and sort of a baby, yet I can't help it.

"Well, thanks for meeting with me," I tell Jonah, going to rise from my seat. "And for letting me join the paper on such short notice. I appreciate that."

"Anything for a Tatum," Jonah jokes. "Hey, tell your sister I said hi? She rocks."

I offer Jonah a wide smile and nod. As I turn my back on him to exit the room, I roll my eyes and bristle.

Walking down the corridor, I think to myself that I will not, in fact, be telling Talia anything.

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a/n: i got a car! the a/c does not work tho so it's more like a death trap! 🙃