Mountain

2.18

in rehearsal we were going through the semi finals routine but it was going so badly.

each of us were on different timing and Kate kept throwing comments in the air.

Emily wasn't there because she needs to isolate herself from the team in order for Amanda to trust her.

when Kate called a break i walked to the bench where my water bottle was and sat down.

James came over next to me, sat down and put his arm around me, i immediately took his arm off of me and back in his lap. "what are you doing?" i asked him. "i never said we were getting back together. i said maybe, might think about the idea of getting back together."

"what? well, what can i do?" he asked.

after everything that happened with Beth and James, he needs to prove that i can trust him again.

"i've got an idea." he said. "make a list."

"huh?" i said confused.

"put anything you want on it and i will do it."

"really? anything?"

"anything."

"anything?"

"anything." he said sharply. "and once i complete it we're getting back together."

"okay." i agreed.

"down?"

"yeah."

"shake on it." he put his arm out for me and i shake his hand.

"okay, first thing on the list, break up with Beth."

he inhaled sharply. "yeah i've been trying to break up with Beth for like two weeks."

"today, James. or the deal is off." i tapped his shoulder and walked to the center of the studio.

"izzy!" Kate called me. "come here for a second."

"hey, what's up?" i asked her.

"do you still want that solo? because if you do we need to do it today."

i looked behind me at James and then looked back at Kate. "no."

"no?" she asked confused.

"no." i said and left the studio and went on the bus.

when i arrived at the hospital no one was there. just my brother with no change.

"so me and James might get back together." i said even though he can't reply. "i'm trying to trust him. i gave up the solo so we'll have the chance to do the duet."

i chuckled. "i miss you, Alex . i really do. nothing i do make me feel better. not even dance. i can't do it without you. please wake up." i touched his hand. "please."

when i came back to the studio James approached me. "what's up?" i ask him.

"just chilling. so listen," he said high pitched, "i'm having a hard time with Beth." i looked at him amused, "believe it or not, i've tried to break up with her several times and she's not taking the hint."

"really?" i asked with a chuckle.

"yeah, so, do you think just for the time being, i could like, push it off and work on something else?"

"are you sure you wanna do that? i mean, you can't even get number one done, we should probably just scrap the whole thing."

he scoffed. "please, Izzy. i will get number one done. i just need to work on the harder ones first."

"okay, okay, here." i took the list out of my bag and gave it to him.

"20. feeling big, aren't ya?" he looked down on the list and then chuckled. "uh, i hope you're joking about number seven. that's a joke right?"

"no, no, it's for real. are you having second thoughts, or... we can just cut the whole thing."

"no! you know, i'll do it. even though it might involve me having to get a passport. you know, it's life threatening but, no, yeah, i'll do it."

some of them are nearly impossible. if James wants to win me back then it had to be done.

"all right, so since you couldn't get number one done, i guess we can move on to number two?" i gave him my old diary. "read september 4th 2003."

"happily."

"oh no, not now. in the juice bar. in front of everyone. out loud as if it was your own diary."

he closed the diary hard and his face hardened.

if James is willing to read my diary as if it's his own, in front of everyone? then it'll show that he's committed.

me and James changed our clothes and then we went downstairs. even Kate was there.

James approached the microphone and then gave me a dirty look which i replied with a thumb up and then started talking.

"excuse me, everyone, um... i want to read an entry from my, uh, diary." the girls around me and everyone else chuckled and i shake my head satisfied.

"dear diary, i hate Kelsey. today i was playing with my new doll and i got it for my birthday from my mommy. i put her down to talk to Laura, but when i came back, Kelsey took the doll and was putting it next to her doll. but the doll was gross and it had mud on it. i told Kelsey to give it back. she said no way, Jose. so i started to cry." he looked at me and i smiled. "i don't know why i'm so silly sometimes. i ran out of the bathroom and hit Bobby G. Bobby's so cute."

bobby g was cute.

"Kelsey took the dolls to the bathroom because she said they were dirty. but only her doll was dirty. Kelsey came out of the bathroom with the dolls and tried to give me mine back, but i said you are so annoying, Kelsey. i took my doll back and me and Bobby went and played handball. and it was the best day ever." he threw the diary on the floor. "James. x o x o."

i stood up and clapped while everyone else cheered.

knowing that he's willing to do all of this for me is really hopeful.

James and I walked outside and walked home. "thought you'll want this back." he gave me my diary.

"thanks. you did a great job by the way."

"thank you."

"i was impressed."

"actually, i was meaning to tell you, before the performance, i actually read a couple of pages."

"how— how many?" i asked nervously.

"ah, well, the whole thing. yeah, i read the whole thing."

"the whole thing?"

"yeah, i especially love this one entry, um," he took the diary out of my hand. "june 10th was it? what one was it? found it. sometimes i think he could be more than a friend. with his goofy smile. he's cute."

i took the diary out of his hands. "i didn't write that about you." i said.

"oh yeah?"

"i wrote that about... Eldon."

"oh yeah, sure."