Mountain

3.5

i went out of the studio with James and we went to the music room in silence. but after 10 minutes of going through my solo in my head, i just stopped and looked at him.

"i can't do this." i told him and he turned to face me.

i don't think any amount of rehearsal time will make me feel prepared at all for this. my heart just not in it and it will never be.

"maybe we should just bow out." i told him. "i'd rather not go to Internationals than compete against you."

"bow out? Izzy, you can't bow out." he said to me.

i want to go to Internationals just as much as anyone else. but i can't do it. i can't compete against my boyfriend. against my best friend.

"we're dancing for The Next Step. for the team. the team you're the dance captain of." he said to me.

"James i can't." i cried. "i don't want to do this. it's so unfair." my voice cracked. "the dream was going with you. i don't want to do this. not after this last month." he grabbed my body and pulled me close to his chest.

"you have to, Iz. think about the team. imagine i'm out there next to Eldon and Riley cheering you on like normal. imagine you're competing against anyone else. Izzy, promise me that you will dance as hard as you can, no matter what."

"and what about you?" i asked quickly and he looked at me.

"of course. of course i'll do the same. it's for the team. promise me. Iz, promise me."

"okay." i said wiping away my tears and hugged him back.

James is right. this is for The Next Step. we can't let the team down.

we went back to the studio. "okay, Izzy. you're up first." i hugged James quickly. "good luck." i looked at him. "say it."

"don't need it." i smiled heartbroken and went on.

James had convinced me to dance my hardest. and that's what i'm going to do.

as i started dancing, and i hate to say it, but this is my best performance yet. i've pulled all my best tricks, and i've danced like i wanted this. and i do want this. just not with these circumstances. throughout the dance i couldn't bring myself to look at anyone around me. but then, while i'm doing pirouettes i glance over at James.

i see how much this is torturing him. but we made a promise to each other. so i keep dancing. it's very bittersweet because i know that it's against the person i love. the person who's been here through everything.