Before sunrise

Snow white

Thursday October 13, 2022:

Killian POV

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I feel nervous sitting here in my car. I feel like a love obsessed freak.

The moment I dropped her off today, I haven't been able to focus. I guess it's a good thing someone else took over my duties of my company the minute I left to charm... no correction stalk, my erasthai.

The way I'm charming my erasthai is everything but controversial. Most of the erasthai's are also Lycans. That makes it easier because they know what is going on and know their duties. But a human is a different story. I've heard many tales about strong Lycans kidnapping their erasthai's and whipping away their past life. Many humans can't forgive a Lycan for robbing their life away. Then there is the most difficult thing... the lust. The desire to mate with your erasthai. Lycans are beast and we take what is ours. For most Lycans it doesn't matter if the human doesn't give consent. If they want something, they want it now. Many humans are killed in the mating proses. Either because they resist so much that the Lycan has to use all his brutal force to keep the erasthai in place, or simply because the mating is too intense, and they fuck the human dead. Many Lycan's killed themselves afterwards do to shame and grieve.

I can only imagine the reaction Esmee would have given me if I raped her... It pains me to confess, but I was so close. The minute I held her in my arms and smelled her vanilla and rose smell. I wanted to lock her up in my bedroom and show her how much she belongs to me. Lucky for her I take great pride in my self-control, and I would never let it come that far. I would never be able to live with myself if I knew I would harm and damage her in any way. She would have cried and screamed, and probably black out from the fear of it all ones I lay a finger on her. Not to mention she's a virgin.... I think. So, I need to make the first time a bit more pleasant. Even though there is a great change I would rip her to pieces, and she won't be able to walk for days.

God I am the best and the worst thing for her.

The minute I've landed in the Netherlands, I sat in my car in front of her house and I just listened to her live her life. I knew she was miserable. She wasn't as excited and full of life and fire, and I knew it was my fault. It took all my inner strength not to burst through the door in the night and just hold her in my arms, wanting to make her feel better. But I could never because she doesn't know me.

And that brings me to the biggest problem. She doesn't know me... yet.

I must tell her. I have to tell her the truth. She knows there is something different about me. At first she was very persistent to find out, yet lately she sort of gave up to wait patiently for me to tell her. Still, I could see the questions in her eyes. I hate lying to her and I know that if I don't come clean soon, she will walk away from me.

But what if I tell her the truth? Will she be disgusted and hate what she sees? How long till she gets used to the idea of what I am? And who can ever love a beast?

Suddenly our story feels a lot like beauty and the beast. The beast waiting on his knees with a lonely heart full of hope, begging for his woman to love him in return.

The irony.

It makes me chuckle in despair.

The car feels small and contains all my emotions. I started to hate myself when I'm alone. My mind is racing in speeds it never did, and my body feels tense. I need her.