Before sunrise

The ultimate sacrifice

Wednesday November 16, 2022:

Esmee POV

∞∞∞∞∞∞

Killian and I walk through the door of his house in Russia.

I have felt nervous ever since I stepped out of the jet.

I still can't believe my parents actually agreed to me coming here. I realize Killian and I were cryptic over the situation towards my parents. The amount of trust they put in me is beyond human knowledge.

I feel so guilty about lying to everybody. So extremely guilty. Especially to the people who loved, protected and cared for me my entire life.

But I just know this is something I have to do. Even if it means deceiving the ones around me. That is the cost I have to pay not only to be with Killian, no. To be the future queen. And a fierce Lycan.

Only never did I imagine that the last part will come sooner than expected.

Killian and I decided to turn me in his house.

At first, he wanted to do it in his parent's castle, because it has more space and special doctors. In case something went wrong.

But after talking to his mother on the phone we decided to do it at his house... my house.

Aleandra stated that the transition will go smoother, and more painless if it was done in a familiar and trusted place.

Luckily Aleandra and Freja suggested to be there with me. To help me in my transition. Aleandra because she is older, and she is the only one who can handle my stubbornness. And Freja because she has immense healing powers.

Aleandra was very persistent on heaving a doctor in the room as well. But Killian dismissed the idea as if it was the most bazar and stupid idea he has ever heard. He probably didn't want a male doctor to see me naked.

Because that is what I will be when I change. My body needs to be free to change, and not be resisted by tight fabrics.

The second I set a foot on the wooden floor, my heart sinks in my shoes.

I do not feel ready for this.

I think I have underestimated what is about to happen. That somehow, I didn't think it through. I never have processed what is about to happen. I just figured it something that has to be done.

But can one ever be ready?

Killian stops in his tracks and takes me in his arms.

'Relax little dove. I can feel your stress all the way in my bones. It will be fine.'

I place my head against his chest, 'I am not ready.'

I feel a coward even admitting it.

I look up to see Killian stare at my face, 'Then why were you so persistent on turning as fast as possible?'

I bite my lip, 'I do not know. It had more positives and negatives. It is just....' I sigh and look away. Not daring to meet his gaze. Even more cowardsome.

'What is it?'

I shake my head, 'What if I'll be a disappointment of a Lycan? All off you have these expectations. What if I'll... what if I never meet them?'

I look down and close my eyes, as I feel pain in my heart.

I just want to do it so right. I want to do Killian and his family justice.