Dar'solus [Captain Rex x reader]

Chapter 47 - Arasuum

"Arasuum" = "Stagnation"

Have you ever had a moment of self reflection where you realise how deep of a hole you've dug yourself in? Where you have been locked in your tunnel vision thinking there's only one way you can go, that when you stop and look back, you can't see the bright blue sky anymore? If you haven't, then consider yourself lucky. Only now as I reside in a barren room with another who loathes me do I realise how deep I've gotten. I can't smell the fresh air anymore, or hear the wind russel the grass. Down here there is only the darkness to keep you company. I was never afraid of the dark, but never did I consider it a friend either. But maybe, when all else has withered away by your touch and your poisons words, maybe then it's time to embrace it. Even if you were abandoned on a barren planet with nothing but yourself and the clothes you wear, you'll always have your shadow. Precisely.

Lifting my head up from resting it against my knees, I saw Ahsoka meditating with her back facing me. I was slumped against a wall with my knees drawn up, arms resting on top as if I had created a barricade between us. Already did that. A grim breath of laughter disturbed the silence around me. Stretching out my legs, thoughts of a new attempt to speak with her surfaced. Ever since we got locked inside the cell, she had refused to speak with me. I had attempted to speak with her about what had just happened. But she had simply cut me off calmly and given me a warning glance before leaving to meditate.

Ahsoka was a lively padawan. She, just like Anakin, had a rogue side to her. Sure, she obeyed the orders that were given to her. But she would obey them in her own interpretation. Ahsoka knew her limitations, but she was never afraid to push beyond them in times of need. She cared deeply for the ones who stood her close and would drop everything to help them if need be. Her ambitions reached beyond our galaxy yet she knew exactly how far was far enough. Strong in her acrobatics fighting style and her connection to the Force was pure like the crystals that reside in one's lightsaber. Mindful of the living things around her and curious of their ways compared to what she previously knew. Ahsoka was truly growing into exactly what a Jedi should be. So, it's no wonder how her calmness was enough to bar me down against the wall as a youngling who had misbehaved in class. She was mad, don't get me wrong, but in the flurry of emotions I saw rippling off her was a strong anchor in knowing that it would not help to argue.

I, however, could not amount to any of that. Shattered from a young age I seemed to be everywhere and nowhere. I could be rational in calm situations, but too often I fell to my impulses and let them lead me down into their mist. Hiding and pushing down my connection to the Force I tricked everyone around me to believe I was a simple mechanic who knew my way around any engine you put in front of me. For so long I kept up my charade that I too had fallen for it. The puppeteer who didn't see their own strings attached to their wrists and neck.

Once, a long time ago when me and Anakin were merely kids, Obi-Wan finished one of his lectures by asking us a question; 'who is the bigger fool, the fool himself or the fool who follows him?'. At the time we had played it off as a funny thing. Something that the Jedi Masters would ask every youngling, pretending that the answer held the key to some great mystery. But throughout the years I found myself pondering the question time and time again. Wondering if there was an answer. Surely both were equally big fools? But now I saw it in a new light. The question wasn't asking about a third person, it was a question towards yourself. When something was happening that made you stop your digging and look back up to see how far you had dug down, you had to ask yourself that very question.

Who is the bigger fool; the fool himself, or the fool who follows him?

Were you the fool who led others with them into something reckless that could have major consequences that you didn't stop to consider? Or were you simply following someone who was doing something blatantly stupid without questioning their leadership? If you could answer that, then you would see why you had even begun to dig the hole you now found yourself trapped in.