Broken 2 // h.s.

t h i r t y f o u r

Song for this chapter: The Cinematic Orchestra- To Build a Home

t h i r t y f o u r.

I wake up with tears pooling down my cheeks, but no screaming this time. Just that horrible silence and hole in my chest and bitterness in my mouth... the loneliness I feel even with Harry sleeping next to me.

I roll off the bed and walk over to my dresser, examining the bottle of sleeping pills. There's nothing I want more than to just sleep peacefully without that fear that I will have another bad dream again.

Next thing I know, I grab the bottle of pills and chuck it at the wall; releasing some of mg anger and frustration. The lid pops and the pills fly everywhere. That's when Harry wakes up.

"Lana,"

I turn to look at him. His hair is an unruly mess, his eyes are still half closed and I'm... "Sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"I need a drink."

He sits up further to look at the alarm clock. "It's four in the morning."

I don't answer him. Instead, I leave the room, look through the kitchen cabinets and find a bottle of Bailey's vodka. After pouring some into a wine glass, I walk into the bathroom and start to run myself a bath.

Once the warm water has filled the tub, I strip down and step in. My eyes clench shut once small snippets of the nightmare replay through my head. This is a game of control. I need to control my thoughts.

I refuse to go back to that dark place I was in years ago.

There's a soft knock on the door and Harry steps in, closing it behind him. I watch him walk slowly, obviously still tired and sleep deprived. He takes a seat at the edge of the tub, his eyes never leaving mine as I tip the wine glass back; gulping down some of the vodka.

"Want to talk about it?" His voice is raspy once he talks.

I don't reply right away. After composing myself and taking a deep breath, I do. "I was in the basement again... and you were there."

"I was?"

"Yes," Tears sting my eyes again. "And you just watched as he... as he..."

He immediately gets up before lowering himself onto his knees beside me. His hand reaches up and smoothes down the side of my hair as a tear escapes; rolling down my cheek before falling into the tub of water.

"That would never happen." He tells me.

"I know, but it just feels so real." I place a hand over my eyes. "Every time... it feels so real."

He stays silent as my head bows in defeat. I reach over and grab my glass of vodka again to gulp down the rest of it. There's no doubt in my mind I look completely horrible.

But he doesn't seem to mind. He is still looking at me like I'm the greatest thing in this world.

"Kiss me," he edges closer, his gaze dragging down toward my lips.

I place my hand on top of his that is gripping the tub, shuffling closer to him. The only sounds that can be heard are the small waves of the tub water and our breathing. With my other hand, I wrap it around the nape of his neck and pull him even closer.

Our lips finally touch and my eyes flutter close, but as soon as they do, I remember the nightmare. Instantly, I pull away.

Harry's eyes dim and he frowns. His whole demeanor changes and I feel guilty, seeing him like that, but I don't know what to say.