Last First Kiss (HS)

Chapter 4

I woke up and realized I was still on the yacht sleeping next to my boyfriend. It was nice calling him my boyfriend again. I missed it. But then there was always a downfall. My imperfections and insecurities got the best of me. Now that I have the Harry Styles as my boyfriend I want to be perfect. Not for him but I want to feel beautiful. You know that random burst of emotion that you get every once and a while? Well yes that's what is happening now. I'm not perfect definitely not model skinny, not that I wanted to be but honestly I hated my stomach. I feel fat when I hunch over. Oh gosh and my face when I wake up in the morning is like a fucking elephant dart to the face.

I felt a tear fall out of my eyes. Why was I crying when I had my best friend/boyfriend sleeping right next to me with his arms wrapped around me. I know why-because he could love any girl on this earth and he picks me. I have to many flaws and is basically an emotional wreck with my parents death and Harry leaving me. At this moment I hated myself. Why? Because I'm not good enough for Harry. I decided I would wash up and take a walk to clear my mind before Harry woke up. I slowly pried Harry's arms off me and tiptoed to the bathroom. I closed the door quietly and just stared at myself in the mirror. Ew. Awful tan lines, stomach not flat enough, ugh I was a mess. After Harry left I felt worthless. I hated myself. I thought I did something wrong. I felt ugly and unloved. I got bullied at school and it only made things worse.

More tears fell out of my eyes as I remembered all the hateful comments and names I was called. Meanwhile, I had no one but Rayne and I didn't tell her most of it so really I had no one. Harry was always the one to talk to but he left me and didn't call or anything. He made me feel like he didn't want anything to to with me. I was full on sobbing now. Please Harry don't wake up. Please please. I prayed that he would stay asleep. I didn't want him to know how I felt after he left. He was truly sorry and I didn't want to ruin it.

HARRY'S POV

I woke up to a strange noise. Sobbing? Emily wasn't next to me and there were tear stains on her pillow. What was going on? Is she ok? I walked to the bathroom and the crying got louder. She was definitely in there but why? I softly knocked on the door

"Emily is everything ok?" The crying immediately stopped

"Yeah yeah um I'm fine"

"No you aren't..please open the door" I heard sniffling then the door unlocked and Emily just stood in front of me still in her undergarments but her eyes were all red and puffy. Even when she was crying she was gorgeous and beautiful. I did the first thing that came to mind and I wrapped my arms around he small body. Her feet were no longer in contact with the ground as her arms wrapped around my neck. I felt tears fall onto my bare shoulders. I just don't understand why she's so upset...I carried her over to our king size bed and sat down with her gently still in my arms.

"Emily what's wrong?" I wiped the tears from her face

"Do you wanna know how I felt after you left?" Guilt hit me..so this is why she's crying..

"Y-yes" I stuttered afraid of what she'd say

"I felt worthless and alone. I set my parents up to die. Everything was my fault. I'm so imperfect and stupid and ugly and I hate myself for everything that happened. You left and didn't look back. I thought you hated me too. I thought someone else would take my place and I'm still afraid you will love someone more than me. I'm nothing special and I never will be. I got bullied at school and it didn't help. I felt like some filthy whore with all the comments and I had no one to go to. I was alone. I had Rayne but even she doesn't know half the story. I still feel ugly and fat and so far from imperfect. I don't know why I'm being such a drama queen I'm just afraid of losing you to someone else"