The Penalty Box

Chapter 38

We all took the ice, for the first time since our world got rocked. Coach had tried to cancel all the practices and games for the next month, but that would've taken us out of the running for Natties, we all agreed that we couldn't give that up.

The matchup against the Badgers was the game we'd all been looking forward too. They always made us scrap and fight, Mason knew that more than anyone. But now none of us could muster the excitement that we should've had.

"I know this is going to be hard for you, for all of us," Coach said as we huddled around the bench," But today isn't about winning or losing, it's about healing. We can't heal until we learn to live without Josh. We shouldn't forget him, we won't forget him. But sooner or later we'll have to learn how to keep going. Now I'm not saying that we have to win, but we all know Joshua
would have kicked each of your asses of you lost. Now get out there."

I took a deep breath and made my way to center ice. To my right I had Con, ready to back me in anything, and to my left I had Jepson, who would do whatever was necessary. I knew I was in good hands with them, but it just wasn't the same.

Two hours later we all sat in the locker room with our heads hung low, but not because we'd lost. We'd won with a five point lead, but none of us felt like celebrating.

I turned my helmet over and looked at the sticker that we all got before the game. It was a little version of Josh's jersey, we all said we needed a way to keep him as a part of the team. So we decided this was a good one.

"He should be here," I mumbled looking at the stall.

"He should be," Kyler agreed.

"Did any of you guys notice how DelaGray wasn't wearing his 28 jersey?" Conrad asked.

I looked over at Con. Sure this was his first season with us, but he'd been playing against the Badgers for years. He knew almost everyone around here.

"Mitchell played for us a while back. He loved Josh just as much as the rest of us. He did it out of respect," I explained.

I grabbed my bag and put the rest of my gear away and walked out. I went back into my corner of the rink. I needed a little space to just... feel.

I pulled my knees in so I was in a little ball, and listened to the sounds of Jared's game. I would get up in time to catch the end of the first, just like I always did.

But for now, I would just sit.

After a while the buzzer went off, the first period was over. I grabbed my bag and started towards the lobby.

I had five minutes to drop my bag off at my car and make it back inside the rink before Jared's second period started. If Jared couldn't find me in the stands by then, he'd probably be pissed. He was always so funny about those things.

I was almost to my car when I heard little Brandon's voice.

"I tried dad!" He argued as best he could.

I knew that voice. That was the voice of a kid who'd just been beaten down for trying their best. I knew that feeling just a little too well.

Bran looked so small standing next to his father, our father. He looked so innocent.

I dropped my bag in front of my car and walked towards Bran. His had was still wet and he had his warmups on. My guess was his team had lost, probably only by one point, and now Branny had to deal with this mess.

I stepped directly in between them both and knelt down so I was at eye level with my little brother.

"Hey Branny, why don't you go inside and find Conrad and Charlie? The second period is about to start," I said calmly.

"Will we have our post game ritual?" He asked with his toothless grin.

"Of course little man!" I replied," Now go on, I'll be in there in a minute."

I waited until he was out of earshot before I got up. I knew if I looked the man behind me in the eye all I'd see was anger.

"You can't do that to him," I stated.

"And who are you to tell me what I can or can't say to my son?" He questioned.

A month ago I probably would've backed down. I would've been reduced to nothing. But not now, now it was t about me, it was about my little brothers.

"I'm his sister that's who," I replied angrily," Conrad is smart enough to know that he'll never make you happy. But Brandon? All Brandon wants to do is make you happy. And by the time he realizes that he's done nothing wrong, and that his father is just the type of man that'll never be happy with his children, it'll be too late. He'll feel like a failure, and it'll be all your fault. So you don't get to do that."

By then I was too mad to say anything else, so I popped the hatch of my SUV and threw my bag in.

Two minutes till the second period started.

"Callahan, I'm sorry about you teammate."

Had I not known any better, I would've thought he was almost sincere. But unfortunately I knew better than that.

"No you're not. You hated Joshua. You said he was the worst player on my team, and that he had no business playing hockey," I scoffed," You're not sorry."

I slammed my truck closed and walked away. I almost felt victorious. As I walked back towards the doors of the rink, I tapped my chest.

One small win at a time. And absolutely no backing down, no giving up.